I had a dream of dad the other day, in the dream I rushed to his help, he looks happy and blissful. I know its my guilt that make me relive and try to undo all the wrongs i have done. not a day pass without me thinking of 'how I wish dad is around, I would do this or that for him' whenever i do anything, go any where, or even eat anything.
I watched this movie with Amy the other day, it was about the Tangshan earthquake that killed an entire cityin china in 1978, there were touching scenes that moved Amy to tears, but while I would have been moved to tears in the past by such scenes, I could not find myself doing that now. Why? I don't even feel any compassion for My dad, who was in such sorry state, I feel that if I have any emotions at all for a movie, I would be such a hypocrite. I want to try to learn to be compassionate, but trying to feel compassionate for another will somehow trigger the devil in my heart to mock me, to torture me.
I feel i have lost the right to have any compassion.
No comments:
Post a Comment