人有时候觉得应该是很正确的事，做完之后，心里又怀疑自己是不是做错了？应该怎么办？
迷惑的世人往往不能做出正确的判断。唯有佛才能做出正确无误的判断，而佛在哪里呢？他就在你心里！但是他被我们原始的动物本能和私欲所遮盖了，所以平时察觉不到。就像镜子被灰尘掩盖它的明亮一般，只有去除自我执着而通达空的真理，明亮的佛心才会显现出来。
那么怎么才能使得自己的佛心显现呢？
未成佛的人，是迷惑无明的，所做所为都是为了自己的私欲，并总是自以为是。铭心自问，所做的决定是不是参杂了私心？只要心中还有一丝这种的想法，所做的判断就不会是正确的。不为自己而为他人谋利，这就是慈悲心。正确的思想，判断，正是从慈悲心产生的。心理上和他人有着一体的深切感受，这就是大乘菩萨自利利他的伟大精神。
菩萨的武器正是六波罗蜜，他便是我们安身立命的所在。
六波罗蜜：
布施波罗蜜：
包括财施，法施，无畏施。
施舍财物给需要的人，财施也。
为他人讲解佛法，法施也。
安慰，鼓励他人，使不恐怖，害怕，无畏施也。
持戒波罗蜜：
遵守五戒，即不杀生，不偷盗，不邪淫，不妄语，不饮酒，使身心清净。不仅行为，语言不犯戒，连犯戒之心也要防范。
忍辱波罗蜜：
不论毁谤赞美，都不为所动，忍他人所不能忍。
精进波罗蜜：
一心努力向道，不贪求安逸，无所求而行。
禅定波罗蜜：
清净身心，安定身心，身心凝定不动，不执着于一切。
智慧波罗蜜：
以般若智慧观照洞见宇宙人生真相，通达空的真理。
（摘取自图说般若心经入门）
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Vesak Day
I went to the Bright hill temple at around midnight on friday to join the 3-step-1-bow (or rather kowtow) procession. When i arrived, the temple was packed with people, many of whom were there to pay homage to the Buddha on this important day of Buddha's birth, enlightenment and nirvana.
I was directed to the hall (a huge air-coned hall the size of a football field) to queue up, while queuing up the temple showed the animated story of Ksitigarbha (大愿地藏王菩萨）. He has made the pledge to only become a buddha when Hell is cleared of sentient beings (我不入地狱，谁入地狱？地狱不空，誓不成佛！）。
It was a long wait, i only started to move by 4:30am, the process is not easy, I have to say. I noticed many around me who come every year and I look at them with admiration, to have such a valour to do this over and over again over the years. I am also surprised to find many children around the adults some as small as 5 years old.
The entire progression took 2.5 hours and by the time I finished it is already 7:30 in the morning. By the time i finished i have blisters on my knees and elbows caused be the repeated kowtowing in the entire ceremony.
On the way back home all the traffic lights along the way were green, I only had to stop at one traffic light. I thought to myself that perhaps its dad giving his approval. During the progression my thoughts were all on my dad to have a good rebirth, my mom, wife, and sis for forgiveness. That's all i hoped for.
I was directed to the hall (a huge air-coned hall the size of a football field) to queue up, while queuing up the temple showed the animated story of Ksitigarbha (大愿地藏王菩萨）. He has made the pledge to only become a buddha when Hell is cleared of sentient beings (我不入地狱，谁入地狱？地狱不空，誓不成佛！）。
It was a long wait, i only started to move by 4:30am, the process is not easy, I have to say. I noticed many around me who come every year and I look at them with admiration, to have such a valour to do this over and over again over the years. I am also surprised to find many children around the adults some as small as 5 years old.
The entire progression took 2.5 hours and by the time I finished it is already 7:30 in the morning. By the time i finished i have blisters on my knees and elbows caused be the repeated kowtowing in the entire ceremony.
On the way back home all the traffic lights along the way were green, I only had to stop at one traffic light. I thought to myself that perhaps its dad giving his approval. During the progression my thoughts were all on my dad to have a good rebirth, my mom, wife, and sis for forgiveness. That's all i hoped for.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Donation
I have decided to set up a Chee Yok Poo charity and prayers fund for my dad. For the next 3 years I will continue to save money into my dad's account like i use to do ever since he contracted kidney disease.
Yesterday while going home from Woodlands regional centre, this guy by the name of Kiff from the Singapore heart foundation approached me, I am surprised by the coincidence that my dad passed away due to hypertensive heart failure. It might be dad's wish that I use his funds to donate to this organization, thus I went ahead to donate $58 monthly using his fund.
I will also start to look at other organisations I can go ahead and help in my dad's name. Lets see where we can go...
Yesterday while going home from Woodlands regional centre, this guy by the name of Kiff from the Singapore heart foundation approached me, I am surprised by the coincidence that my dad passed away due to hypertensive heart failure. It might be dad's wish that I use his funds to donate to this organization, thus I went ahead to donate $58 monthly using his fund.
I will also start to look at other organisations I can go ahead and help in my dad's name. Lets see where we can go...
Dream of Dad
I was planning to go to the Buddhist lodge today to offer prayers for my dad, but they said that the time of death is important for this purpose. Unfortunately I can only guess the time when he passed away as I wasn't there with him. Despite feeling extremely lousy, I hoped in my heart that dad would give me some indication so that I could give the right time.
Not sure if this is the reason why for the first time after he passed away, I had a dream of him yesterday night. At about 5 something, my son woke up and cried for milk. I proceed to prepare it and went back to sleep, this is when I started having the dream.
The dream started with me along walking down a granite path in the middle of the night in this deserted HDB estate. the road was initially well lit by the street lamps and towards the end of the road the street lights were not working, nonetheless I still pressed on, I can only see the path through the moon light and my torch - interestingly the moon light was very bright and I have no problem finding my way forward. Half way through I noticed that the path seem to be haunted by this bodiless head rolling on the granite path, I shone my torch on it but can't make it out very well, I can only feel its presence. When I turned the corner, that is when i see a huge mock of shadowy spirits swaying towards me, I ran as fast as I could the opposite direction into the well lit street, as I turn back I saw the shadowy figures moving slowly towards me, but out of nowhere, people started coming out of their flats and a battle ensued, thereafter, the dream became more like a computer game....
this is when all these nonsense abruptly stopped and the scene changed, I am outside this small room where i saw my dad emerging out of the room. He looked his usual stout self (before he suffered from kidney failure), bright eyes and looked very healthy. For a moment I started doubting that he had passed away as he is standing in front of me, perfectly alive! I kneel in front of him seeking for his forgiveness, he didn't say much and next thing i told him that I will show him to his new home , he quietly followed me, and this was about the same time that my sis arrvied apparently getting the news from me, my daughter, Yao was also there with us.
Next we came to this waiting room which has a hospital setting with a couple of other women waiting to go into the next room we sat at a sofa and this is when i realised that we are the only ones who can see my dad. Even for myself at some point of time he is a mist of white smoke. I helped him up and sat beside us, then thinking that we haven't had a picture together for a while now I requested for the women in front of us to take a family picture for all of us.
This is when the dream ended as my son started crying again and i had to carry him. I then looked at the clock and saw that it is 6:21am, I started asking myself was this the time he passed away or was it the time in the dream? (the dream seem to be in a morning 8-9am setting). This might all be just a dream and nothing more, but I hope it is an indication that he is all well, happy and healthy again. one thing to note is that I haven't had any dreams for a very, very long time already. I am going to the buddhist lodge this evening, I wish that I would have an answer by today.
Not sure if this is the reason why for the first time after he passed away, I had a dream of him yesterday night. At about 5 something, my son woke up and cried for milk. I proceed to prepare it and went back to sleep, this is when I started having the dream.
The dream started with me along walking down a granite path in the middle of the night in this deserted HDB estate. the road was initially well lit by the street lamps and towards the end of the road the street lights were not working, nonetheless I still pressed on, I can only see the path through the moon light and my torch - interestingly the moon light was very bright and I have no problem finding my way forward. Half way through I noticed that the path seem to be haunted by this bodiless head rolling on the granite path, I shone my torch on it but can't make it out very well, I can only feel its presence. When I turned the corner, that is when i see a huge mock of shadowy spirits swaying towards me, I ran as fast as I could the opposite direction into the well lit street, as I turn back I saw the shadowy figures moving slowly towards me, but out of nowhere, people started coming out of their flats and a battle ensued, thereafter, the dream became more like a computer game....
this is when all these nonsense abruptly stopped and the scene changed, I am outside this small room where i saw my dad emerging out of the room. He looked his usual stout self (before he suffered from kidney failure), bright eyes and looked very healthy. For a moment I started doubting that he had passed away as he is standing in front of me, perfectly alive! I kneel in front of him seeking for his forgiveness, he didn't say much and next thing i told him that I will show him to his new home , he quietly followed me, and this was about the same time that my sis arrvied apparently getting the news from me, my daughter, Yao was also there with us.
Next we came to this waiting room which has a hospital setting with a couple of other women waiting to go into the next room we sat at a sofa and this is when i realised that we are the only ones who can see my dad. Even for myself at some point of time he is a mist of white smoke. I helped him up and sat beside us, then thinking that we haven't had a picture together for a while now I requested for the women in front of us to take a family picture for all of us.
This is when the dream ended as my son started crying again and i had to carry him. I then looked at the clock and saw that it is 6:21am, I started asking myself was this the time he passed away or was it the time in the dream? (the dream seem to be in a morning 8-9am setting). This might all be just a dream and nothing more, but I hope it is an indication that he is all well, happy and healthy again. one thing to note is that I haven't had any dreams for a very, very long time already. I am going to the buddhist lodge this evening, I wish that I would have an answer by today.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Today is another day of deep thoughts. One of my good friend has given me some advise yesterday and it was really helpful to lighten my thoughts a bit yesterday. I am going to call the Amitabha society today to discuss about donations to help distribute buddhist DVDs. Also want to call the buddhist lodge to see if there are prayers i can request for dad.
I have been blinded by ignorant and selfishness, I hope i will awaken from this. I asked myself a question yesterday, how many good deeds have i done in the past one month or for that matter in the last 10 years, I am surprised to find that I can't recall anything. Instead I can actually recall many of the bad deeds or selfish acts that I have done.
Time to action, lets see how far I can go, with what happened to dad, I hope i can find the courage to change for the better.
I have been blinded by ignorant and selfishness, I hope i will awaken from this. I asked myself a question yesterday, how many good deeds have i done in the past one month or for that matter in the last 10 years, I am surprised to find that I can't recall anything. Instead I can actually recall many of the bad deeds or selfish acts that I have done.
Time to action, lets see how far I can go, with what happened to dad, I hope i can find the courage to change for the better.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Emptiness
The feeling of emptiness is unbearable. When dad was still staying with me I find him a irritating whenever he asked me to pack his medications or wash his clothes. When I think back I don’t understand why was I so cruel to him??? These are just simple chores that could be completed within 1 hour, and to think back I have the time to laze around and have no time to do these simple chores for him?? What is the matter with me??? Where is my compassion? I practice Buddhism and I have zero compassion towards my own father?!? I am just not fit to be a Buddhist, I have no guts to face Gohonzon anymore, I feel so inhumane whenever I think back the way I treated him. Regrets is all I feel now, it’ll be for the rest of my life.
Pa, I'm really sorry. Nothing I say now can change anything.....
Pa, I'm really sorry. Nothing I say now can change anything.....
Happy Family
I went to the 四马路观音堂 yesterday at around 3 plus to give offerings as instructed by a good friend. Come to think of it, in the midst of the crowd i have forgotten to donate any money, will have to return again to do that these few days.
After that I went to my 大舅's place as my cousin want to pass Renelle some dress. I was very surprised that uncle is very well versed with the internet and even know how to use google earth to look at a property he bought in China. I saw a family potrait in his house, its such a large family and everyone in the picture looks extremely blissful and happy, especially uncle. All my cousins already have their own families and all except my elder cousin sister stays with my uncle and aunt with her 2 kids.
Every year since 1995 uncle will travel to China to our old ancestrial town in Fujian. The town is called YingDu (英都) and he seem to be enjoying himself very much in all the pics that he showed my mom and me. While my uncle has not retired yet, I believe he is obviously in no lack of money and is what we chinese call 安享晚年。Although he does not look old at all!
I can't help but reflect on my own family's situation. I grew up in a not too wealthy family - even though I do not get a lot of luxuries like travel to overseas for holidays (I only recalled that my dad brought the whole family to Genting for a weekend getaway, and once where he took us to Desaru during my secondary school years), my mom and dad make sure that we do not starve. When my friend told me that he gets 200 dollars per month for allowance during my pre-u years, I could not believe my ears, '$10 per day!! I only get 3-4 dollars a day...sometimes 2'
That being the case, dad still helped financed my overseas studies, when I came back and started working, I ensured that I give 20% of my salary to my parents every month on the dot without fail. I used to think that this is enough, I even commented that over the course of 10 years I have already provided my parents with probably close to 100K thinking that I have did a lot.
What I tried to shun away from is the fact that family is not about money, its about genuine concern for each other. In the last few years, seeing that my dad is deteriorating in terms of health, family concern and money, I turned a blind eye and keep justifying that I have already provided enough, that I have my own family to take care of, that I am too busy with work to be able to do more. I don't understand why I have not felt any compassion for someone who has brought me up, maybe he did not give me a luxurious life, maybe he would usually give me $1.63 when i ask for $2, but I failed to realise that he gave me the most fundamental thing - which is my life.
Ever since his passing on, I have not had any day whereby i do not wake up in the middle of the night sweating and hoped that i have done more and done right, I feel like a small child, who has done something extremely wrong and am in a lost for what I need to do to make things right - because I no longer have the chance to make things right.
The thought of dying so that I can know where he went, that he is ok even crossed my mind. How helpless he must have felt during his last moments, how heart-broken he must have felt? I would never know. This is not the first time i did something wrong and regret about it, why is it that I keep repeating the same mistake? I really need guidance, I need to conquer my weakness or it will follow me for the rest of my life, I'm only 36 this year, how many more years do I have to carry this guilt? I have a feeling that my life is done for, I have no hope, the only reason i hung on is to bring up his grandchildren and make him proud, thereafter, I will be at his and my Karma's mercy. I know I will burn in hell, I have brought this upon myself.
After that I went to my 大舅's place as my cousin want to pass Renelle some dress. I was very surprised that uncle is very well versed with the internet and even know how to use google earth to look at a property he bought in China. I saw a family potrait in his house, its such a large family and everyone in the picture looks extremely blissful and happy, especially uncle. All my cousins already have their own families and all except my elder cousin sister stays with my uncle and aunt with her 2 kids.
Every year since 1995 uncle will travel to China to our old ancestrial town in Fujian. The town is called YingDu (英都) and he seem to be enjoying himself very much in all the pics that he showed my mom and me. While my uncle has not retired yet, I believe he is obviously in no lack of money and is what we chinese call 安享晚年。Although he does not look old at all!
I can't help but reflect on my own family's situation. I grew up in a not too wealthy family - even though I do not get a lot of luxuries like travel to overseas for holidays (I only recalled that my dad brought the whole family to Genting for a weekend getaway, and once where he took us to Desaru during my secondary school years), my mom and dad make sure that we do not starve. When my friend told me that he gets 200 dollars per month for allowance during my pre-u years, I could not believe my ears, '$10 per day!! I only get 3-4 dollars a day...sometimes 2'
That being the case, dad still helped financed my overseas studies, when I came back and started working, I ensured that I give 20% of my salary to my parents every month on the dot without fail. I used to think that this is enough, I even commented that over the course of 10 years I have already provided my parents with probably close to 100K thinking that I have did a lot.
What I tried to shun away from is the fact that family is not about money, its about genuine concern for each other. In the last few years, seeing that my dad is deteriorating in terms of health, family concern and money, I turned a blind eye and keep justifying that I have already provided enough, that I have my own family to take care of, that I am too busy with work to be able to do more. I don't understand why I have not felt any compassion for someone who has brought me up, maybe he did not give me a luxurious life, maybe he would usually give me $1.63 when i ask for $2, but I failed to realise that he gave me the most fundamental thing - which is my life.
Ever since his passing on, I have not had any day whereby i do not wake up in the middle of the night sweating and hoped that i have done more and done right, I feel like a small child, who has done something extremely wrong and am in a lost for what I need to do to make things right - because I no longer have the chance to make things right.
The thought of dying so that I can know where he went, that he is ok even crossed my mind. How helpless he must have felt during his last moments, how heart-broken he must have felt? I would never know. This is not the first time i did something wrong and regret about it, why is it that I keep repeating the same mistake? I really need guidance, I need to conquer my weakness or it will follow me for the rest of my life, I'm only 36 this year, how many more years do I have to carry this guilt? I have a feeling that my life is done for, I have no hope, the only reason i hung on is to bring up his grandchildren and make him proud, thereafter, I will be at his and my Karma's mercy. I know I will burn in hell, I have brought this upon myself.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
In Thy Father's Name
I went to the Amitabha buddhist society yesterday to donate some money to the society in my dad's name, also incidentally they are organising rituals for the deceased on the 30th May so I requested for the same as well.
I am also planning to go for the 3-steps-one-bow ceremony in Kong Meng Temple on next thursday for my dad's good karma.
One of my good friend stayed with me on one of the nights during my dad's wake to provide me with companionship and console, while consoling me, he gave me a great realisation that what is done cannot be undone, and I have to move on, and the only thing I could do is to honour his name in my deeds and my off-springs' deeds.
This gave me a revalation like never before, I knew that dad would want me to do the same as well. That night, in dad's name I sat down with my sis to trash out all the unhappiness, our feelings about dad and our remorse towards him. This was the first time in my life that I had such a long talk with sis and I never regreted pouring out my heart that night. We agreed to be a closer family, she will try her best to visit mom frequently and mom will be our focus of love from now on.
Dad, all in your good name.
I am also planning to go for the 3-steps-one-bow ceremony in Kong Meng Temple on next thursday for my dad's good karma.
One of my good friend stayed with me on one of the nights during my dad's wake to provide me with companionship and console, while consoling me, he gave me a great realisation that what is done cannot be undone, and I have to move on, and the only thing I could do is to honour his name in my deeds and my off-springs' deeds.
This gave me a revalation like never before, I knew that dad would want me to do the same as well. That night, in dad's name I sat down with my sis to trash out all the unhappiness, our feelings about dad and our remorse towards him. This was the first time in my life that I had such a long talk with sis and I never regreted pouring out my heart that night. We agreed to be a closer family, she will try her best to visit mom frequently and mom will be our focus of love from now on.
Dad, all in your good name.
Restless Mornings
I have had very restless mornings since the passing on of my dad, today i woke at 5 am, and it took a while for me to get back to sleep. Same thing happened yesterday. I kept being bothered by 'What if' questions and wonders about what was the last moments of my dad like.
Yesterday when i was driving along CTE sending my wife to her office, I saw TTSH and recalled in the past whenever dad is in hospital, I would drop by TTSH on weekends. I would only visit him once a day with the thoughts that I cannot afford more time since he is going in and out of hospital so often.
I would always defend my lack of compassion for the fact that dad has brought this upon himself by not managing his diet well, by not going for regular checkups and that he has too many problems for me to have too much compassion. I always console myself that I have did a lot for him, by paying for his dialysis, by helping to manage his finance through the rental of his flat. I don't have time for compassion, especially when he gave me the couldn't-be-bothered look, it makes me even more frustrated.
A good friend of mine told me that his behaviours are an attempt to request for attention - i finally realised that it is true. that is not the couldn't-be-bothered look, that is a look of dignity. Through all these hardship, my dad want to be dignified in front of his family, something he has been badly deprived of. It is too late now for me to give him back that dignity, but he can be rest assured that his grandson and grand daughter will be told about his life story, about how he provided for us, and that he is the reason why we are all here.
Yesterday when i was driving along CTE sending my wife to her office, I saw TTSH and recalled in the past whenever dad is in hospital, I would drop by TTSH on weekends. I would only visit him once a day with the thoughts that I cannot afford more time since he is going in and out of hospital so often.
I would always defend my lack of compassion for the fact that dad has brought this upon himself by not managing his diet well, by not going for regular checkups and that he has too many problems for me to have too much compassion. I always console myself that I have did a lot for him, by paying for his dialysis, by helping to manage his finance through the rental of his flat. I don't have time for compassion, especially when he gave me the couldn't-be-bothered look, it makes me even more frustrated.
A good friend of mine told me that his behaviours are an attempt to request for attention - i finally realised that it is true. that is not the couldn't-be-bothered look, that is a look of dignity. Through all these hardship, my dad want to be dignified in front of his family, something he has been badly deprived of. It is too late now for me to give him back that dignity, but he can be rest assured that his grandson and grand daughter will be told about his life story, about how he provided for us, and that he is the reason why we are all here.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Friday in daze
Came to work in the morning, have no mood to do anything, i know i have to continue, i know i have to be strong, but everytime i think about how I treated my dad, and how i could have change things, and how a great chance given to me to atone for my sins has been forsaken by me, i cannot but dwell in self pity.
I could have brought dad over for a weekend stay every weekend, i could have done that when he moved over to the new house, why did i only thought about that when when he is gone? is it selfishness? the fear of trouble? I could have kept him in my house for a month and observe and see if it is suitable, he can help play with my son and daughter, he is going to be an invaluable help to my mom, why didn't i think of that?
the house agent called today and said that he had a quarrel with the HDB officer and the co-broking agent as they had been rushing him to get them the death cert, he told them that it is inappropriate at this time to be asking for such things from the mourning family - even a stranger knows what is right and wrong, where is my sense of justice? for my own dad?
I could have brought dad over for a weekend stay every weekend, i could have done that when he moved over to the new house, why did i only thought about that when when he is gone? is it selfishness? the fear of trouble? I could have kept him in my house for a month and observe and see if it is suitable, he can help play with my son and daughter, he is going to be an invaluable help to my mom, why didn't i think of that?
the house agent called today and said that he had a quarrel with the HDB officer and the co-broking agent as they had been rushing him to get them the death cert, he told them that it is inappropriate at this time to be asking for such things from the mourning family - even a stranger knows what is right and wrong, where is my sense of justice? for my own dad?
Tears - X Japan
doko ni yukebaii anata to hanarete
ima wa sugisatta toki ni toikakete
nagasugita yoru ni tabidachi wo yume mita
ikoku no sora mitsumete kodoku wo dakishimeta
nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata no toiki wo kanjite
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
LONELINESS YOUR SILENT WHISPER
FILLS A RIVER OF TEARS
THROUGH THE NIGHT
MEMORY YOU NEVER LET ME CRY
AND YOU, YOU NEVER SAID GOOD-BYE
SOMETIMES OUR TEARS BLINDED THE LOVE
WE LOST OUR DREAMS ALONG THE WAY
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TRADE YOUR SOUL TO THE FATES
NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE
TIME THROUGH THE RAIN HAS SET ME FREE
SANDS OF TIME WILL KEEP YOUR MEMORY
LOVE EVERLASTING FADES AWAY
ALIVE WITHIN YOUR BEATLESS HEART
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai kanashimi wo aoi bara ni kaete
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata wo toiki wo kanjite
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
If you could have told me everything
You would have found what love is
If you could have told me what was on your mind
I would have shown you the way
Someday I'm gonna be older than you
I've never thought beyond that time
I've never imagined the pictures of that life
For now I will try to live for you and for me
I will try to live with love, with dreams,
and forever with tears
nagasugita yoru ni tabidachi wo yume mita
ikoku no sora mitsumete kodoku wo dakishimeta
nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata no toiki wo kanjite
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
LONELINESS YOUR SILENT WHISPER
FILLS A RIVER OF TEARS
THROUGH THE NIGHT
MEMORY YOU NEVER LET ME CRY
AND YOU, YOU NEVER SAID GOOD-BYE
SOMETIMES OUR TEARS BLINDED THE LOVE
WE LOST OUR DREAMS ALONG THE WAY
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D TRADE YOUR SOUL TO THE FATES
NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D LEAVE ME ALONE
TIME THROUGH THE RAIN HAS SET ME FREE
SANDS OF TIME WILL KEEP YOUR MEMORY
LOVE EVERLASTING FADES AWAY
ALIVE WITHIN YOUR BEATLESS HEART
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai kanashimi wo aoi bara ni kaete
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
nagareru namida wo toki no kaze ni kasanete
owaranai anata wo toiki wo kanjite
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
DRY YOUR TEARS WITH LOVE
If you could have told me everything
You would have found what love is
If you could have told me what was on your mind
I would have shown you the way
Someday I'm gonna be older than you
I've never thought beyond that time
I've never imagined the pictures of that life
For now I will try to live for you and for me
I will try to live with love, with dreams,
and forever with tears
First Seven day
Today is the First seven day of the passing on of my dad, according to chinese believe, this is the day that a deceased spirit would come back to the home of his family to visit before moving on to the next realm. Legend has it that you would normally notice small insects in the house on the day and that wold be the spirit of the deceased.
Just after 12 am today, while i was using the computer, I noticed a very small insect crawled pass me. It is not surprising that you would see insects in this part of the world where the climate is equatorial. Strange thing is, tonight this is the only insect i saw. I wish the legend is true, that my dad has came back to visit this unfilial son of his before moving on to a much better place.
I cannot tell enough how remorseful i am towards my late father, I have done him wrong, in his time of need, i was not there, and i am the sole reason why that happened to him, an old, sickly and half blind, deaf man. I am in short simply heartless, i can never atone for my sins, not in a thousand lifetime, I cannot forgive myself for all the cruel things i did to him. My only wish is that he is now in a much better, happier place as i did not provided him with any comfort, or happiness.
retribution might fall on me, i cannot complain, i have brought this upon myself and no one else is to be blamed. I have created this blog - something i would not normally do, in rememberance of my dad, who is a mild, quiet and kind man. The reason i can carry on is to be able to provide for his descendants - my daughter and son, who carries his genes and where he would live on, in the genes that he has provided to them and to me. My only promise to him would be to try my best to provide for these grand-off springs of his and honour him in their deeds.
Just after 12 am today, while i was using the computer, I noticed a very small insect crawled pass me. It is not surprising that you would see insects in this part of the world where the climate is equatorial. Strange thing is, tonight this is the only insect i saw. I wish the legend is true, that my dad has came back to visit this unfilial son of his before moving on to a much better place.
I cannot tell enough how remorseful i am towards my late father, I have done him wrong, in his time of need, i was not there, and i am the sole reason why that happened to him, an old, sickly and half blind, deaf man. I am in short simply heartless, i can never atone for my sins, not in a thousand lifetime, I cannot forgive myself for all the cruel things i did to him. My only wish is that he is now in a much better, happier place as i did not provided him with any comfort, or happiness.
retribution might fall on me, i cannot complain, i have brought this upon myself and no one else is to be blamed. I have created this blog - something i would not normally do, in rememberance of my dad, who is a mild, quiet and kind man. The reason i can carry on is to be able to provide for his descendants - my daughter and son, who carries his genes and where he would live on, in the genes that he has provided to them and to me. My only promise to him would be to try my best to provide for these grand-off springs of his and honour him in their deeds.
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