The feeling of emptiness is unbearable. When dad was still staying with me I find him a irritating whenever he asked me to pack his medications or wash his clothes. When I think back I don’t understand why was I so cruel to him??? These are just simple chores that could be completed within 1 hour, and to think back I have the time to laze around and have no time to do these simple chores for him?? What is the matter with me??? Where is my compassion? I practice Buddhism and I have zero compassion towards my own father?!? I am just not fit to be a Buddhist, I have no guts to face Gohonzon anymore, I feel so inhumane whenever I think back the way I treated him. Regrets is all I feel now, it’ll be for the rest of my life.
Pa, I'm really sorry. Nothing I say now can change anything.....
Sis, please do not reproach yourself, you have done a lot for him already, I should have been there every weekend to help pack his medicines but i gave myself lame excuses, I don't understand why the thought of bringing him to my place over the weekends to stay never cross my mind until after he is gone. Compared to you, I am the direct reason for this passing, I am directly responsible.
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