According to my mom, these were the words my dad said on the last day of his life while he was lying on the floor resting. Those might be the moments where his heart is already starting to fail and we did not realised that sleepiness and lethargy are symptoms of the hypertensive heart failure - which develops over a long period.
Its so painful to recall the kindness he has showered upon my son and daughter and yet I treated him so inhumanely. whenever i think of these words, my tears will roll, even though I'm in office now.
Dad called my mom on the saturday before he left :"这里很多东西买，好像牛车水，你们来买吧" , my mom told him that she is on the way to work, he said: "哦，好那你去做工吧！"
I had the intention to bring him to the polyclinic in the morning but i didn't because i went out with my friends when they gave me a call.
I had the intention to bring him for dinner but i didn't because my wife wanted to go somewhere else and i did not want to spoil the family day.
I cannot face myself in the mirror whenever i thought about all these things that i did not do for him, that i took his feelings for granted, that i ignored his feelings, people who see him tell us that he always have such a sad look on his face, why did we fail to see THAT!!!!
As a son i have abandon him, nowadays when i think back on all the past times when I enjoyed company with my family, feeling blessed to have a great family, he has always been outside of the picture!!
When i went on block leave and stayed at home, it never crossed my mind to meet him, to call him!! There was only once during my block leave that i called him and fetched him from his dialysis centre and that is also because i am going to my friend's place.
There are so many weekends i planned to join him for lunch or dinner and i did not!! I procrastinated and thought that 'i will do it next week, i will do it next week!'
I thought the pain would slowly go away with time but it DIDNT!!! The pain is still as EXCRUCIATING as the time my dad passed away. WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?
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