My sis told me that her leader told her that whatever happened to my dad is due to his past karma. It makes perfect sense, why else would all of us had treated him so badly even when he is already so sick? We must have such a great hatred planted that it have to go this way.
However I suddenly realised that that is probably not the truth. I suddenly have this great awakening that dad is the avatar of the Avalokitesvara (观世音菩萨）。through his suffering and death, he has awakened the buddha in all of us, because of him we have relooked at how we treated our love ones, it has rekindled my love for buddhism and i started getting myself involved and for the first time i have the courage to want to take the 3 refuges (Buddha, Dharma, Sangha) while in the past i had been very cautious as I know i might not be able to observe the buddhist way and in the end land myself in misery.
Bear in mind that Avalokitesvara changes himself into various forms and avatars in his compassion and vow to save all sentient beings - this is a perfect situtation for him to teach us a lesson about compassion. I have let him down so many times, and again and again he has been patient to give me a chance over and over again, never abandoning me. While i know that some of my bad habits would take time to change, I want to take the plunge. Through these few days where i got into contact with the various sutras, it has brought me immerse happiness amidst all these sorrow. I am happy to know that my heart has a safe, tranquil resting place, in buddhism, my first task would be to focus on compassion.
As i have failed to keep my promise so many times in the past, i would not be rash to do anything drastic, i would be observing myself through this period and to finally have myself commited.
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