Not a single day has passed without me thinking about dad, I can't tell how much i miss his voice, his face, his smell, his touch. The sickness has tortured what once was a stoutand fit man into just skin and bones.
Where are you dad, i could not but ponder, i thought i have a lot more time with you. I thought there are many more years, and that you can make it, failing to see how desperately ill you are, ignoring all the signs. I still can't believe that you are gone, you were so much part of my life, i only realised this when i saw you, peacefully lying on the floor, seemingly in such a deep sleep.
i'm so full of regrets, soo much i could have done, so little that i did. On the streets in singapore or hongkong, i see people holding on to their elders, and these elders are more mobile and agile then you. What did i do when i walk with you? i walk far ahead, occassionally stopping to wait for you, while grumbling why you walked so slowly.
there is no longer any chance for me to prove my worthiness, i am no different from the nazis only thing i did worst is that i did all the atrocities to my dad. have you been bad to me when i was young? you were no drunkard who comes home and vent his anger on his wife and kids, you were no violent dad, you were gentle, quiet, singing hakka songs to sis and me to coo us to sleep, i can still remember the first few words of those songs "Ku, Ku kai..."
you tried your best to provide for us, bringing us to buffets every sunday, i can still remember those food hunts to various hotels, have i did the same for you?No!!
where are you dad, i know you are at a better place, but would i even be certain to know where?
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