郑州-明法 2010年12月08日 08:25 阅读(11) 评论(0) 分类：个人日记
举报 字体：中▼ 小 中 大
‘佛说做人三项法则’，就是佛法中关于修身养性和为人处世的清晰说明。
佛说：
“人应有感恩之心。感谢太阳和月亮给人类带来光明。
感谢大地和自然为人类提供水和食物。
感谢父母为你带来生命。 感谢为你提供良好生活环境的社会和世界。感谢一切帮助过你的人和动物。”
佛说：“劳动创造幸福生活。”
佛说：“真诚回报带给你生命和幸福的自然万物与社会，善待一切人与动物。”
佛说： “做到以上三条，定可进入天堂。”
佛说做人三项做人法则是佛法中的大法和根本法，佛法中的一切法都是围绕着这条法则发挥着作用。
我们常说佛法是超越人类文化的。佛说这三条做人法则，没有一个国家会提出反对意见。
我们常说佛法是超越任何一种宗教，佛说这三条做人法则，没有一种宗教会提出发对意见。
我们常说佛法是超越人类文化和时空的道理和法则，佛说这三条做人法则，过去适用于我们人类，今天和将来无论我们人类社会发展到任何情况，永远适用于我们。
我们按照这三条最做了，就会成就我们的今生今世，国家和民族按照这三条做了，就可以国泰民安。世界按照这三条去做了，就是和谐世界，就是人间天堂。
让我们用世人的眼光看一看这三条内容。
感恩这个词汇最近经常进入我们大家的视觉和听觉范围。
给我们的工作和生活带来了帮助的，我们应该有感恩之心。
感恩不是对任何人，任何事都感恩。感恩之心的感恩是有一些先决条件的。感恩是因为我们感谢和感激所带来的一种良好的心态。
问：如果有人伤害你，你还会去感恩吗？我说：你好好的走路，一个人故意的把你绊倒了，结果是摔掉了牙，破了相，你还感恩他？对于伤害过我们的人和动物，我们无法做到像那些东西一样畜生和无耻，但我们有法制，要让这些人和动物接受相应的惩罚，而不是感恩这些无耻。
那些伤害过我们的人，遗弃过我们的人，伤害过我们的人，欺骗过我们的人，鞭打我们的人，这些人我们要远离，而不是感恩。我们做不到这些人的无耻，但我们可以选择远离，就像我们经常说的近君子远小人。
一个人如果常有感恩之心，是不会生出怨恨之心的。
佛说感恩所有帮助过我们的人和动物。所有的人和动物，只要帮助过我们，都要感恩他们对我们的帮助。
既然我们知道要感恩，就要把感恩之心付诸于我们的行动，而带着感恩之心去做事情的时候，我们心中会有一种幸福的愉悦和快乐。
如何感恩？
第一，要牢记我们已经得到的帮助，常怀感恩之心。
第二，用行动来回报和报答对我们提供的帮助。
第三，善待一切人和动物，真诚回报社会和自然。让我们把‘帮助’延续到整个世界。
没有一个人可以毫不惭愧的说：我不需要感恩。除非这个人无耻到了极致。
用劳动创造幸福生活。很简单的一句话，包含了非常深刻的道理。
如果让一个语文老师来分析：劳动，是一个高尚的行为。创造，是进步，是更好。幸福，是愉悦，是心底里面的愉悦。生活，是我们的人生的内容。
记住了佛说的这句话，理解了佛说的这句话的内容，我们就可以放下我们的贪婪之心和妄想之心。
如何在我们的工作和生活中产生心底的愉悦，佛说了，用劳动。而不是其他什么手段，更不是暴力和犯罪。
佛说的善待是没有任何先决条件的，善待一切人与动物。
有一次我见到一个年轻人，左胳膊纹了一个‘忍’字，右胳膊纹了一个‘恨’字。我很奇怪的问他什么意思，他说这个世界不公平，恨这个社会，所以才这样做。
我说你上小学的时候是不是一个好学生，他回答不是好学生，那时小光知道玩了。那么中学呢？ 他说还是玩，大学呢？ 你根本没有上大学吧？，估计你的文化程度能够达到小学毕业就很不错了。对不对？我问他。他笑了，说我们这些人，跟文盲差不多，没有什么文化。
我说别人在你们玩的时候用功学习，从小学一直到大学，最后别人辛辛苦苦的博士毕业了，现在到你们县里面直接当副县长，副处级，难道这不公平吗？
如果你是一个博士生毕业，现在在这里搓澡，不用你说，全社会都会来议论这件事的公平与否。
你小时候玩，大了开始打架，现在这个状况，现在开始抱怨这个社会不公平了？
我说，如果你现在是副县长，副处级干部，这才是真正意义上的不公平。我说完这些以后，其他的搓澡工们都表示赞同，再也没有人说社会对他们不公平了。
李瑞环，中央政治局常委，政协主席。李参加工作的时候就是一个小木匠。但李瑞环工作积极认真，勤于思考，后来自学，上夜校，再后来上大学，最后成为全国政协主席，国家领导人之一。这才是公平。
还有郝建秀，纺织女工，也有如此类似的经历。
还有一个日本的邮政大臣，名字忘掉了，是个女的。在日本的男人世界中脱颖而出，就是用自己对工作的付出，一步一步的走上来的。刚刚参加工作的时候是一个宾馆的服务员，负责打扫卫生，刷的是不是干净，她亲自喝一口。这个女人就是用刷马桶的精神，一路刷到了日本国的邮政大臣。很感动人。
诸如此类的事例太多了。
一个踏踏实实学习的人，一个对工作和生活负责的人，一个用劳动创造幸福生活的人，这样的人难道会找不到工作？这样的人还会贫穷吗？我想不会吧。
做到了感恩和劳作，就可以创造我们的幸福生活，但有了幸福生活以后怎么办？
佛说了‘回报’这两个字。
回报是不讲报酬的，回报是没有直接利益产生的付出和奉献。助残帮弱，修桥铺路等等。我们把家务事做了，就是对我们家庭的善待和回报。把我们居住的楼道打扫干净了，就是我们对邻居的善待和回报。我们能尽我们的能力，帮助人和动物，多做一些我们力所能及的善事好事，这就是我们对自然的善待和回报。做好今生今世，我们把人做好，就是对感恩的最好回报。
佛说善待一切人和动物是没有条件限制的。有人问，善待好人可以理解，那些罪大恶极之人呢？如何善待？监狱和刑罚是善待罪大恶极之人的最好也是最有效的方法。这也是善待。不这样善待他们，就是对罪恶的怂恿和鼓励。
善待和回报的过程也是修行，积功累德。
做到了这三条的人，是不是一个高尚的人？高尚的人是生活在幸福和快乐之中。按照佛说的这三条去做了，就会感觉到我们的人生就是人间天堂。大家都按照佛说的去做了，我们的整个世界就是人间天堂。
以上那些话是以世人的角度来讲的。
如果有上天，上天一定是公道的。如果我们信佛，我们一定会知道佛是最公平的。佛法也是最公平的。如果佛法中有什么标准来衡量我们世人是不是做好了今生的修行，这个标准一定是最公平的。
佛说：“做到以上三条，定可进入天堂。”
天堂是我们人类用世间所有最美好的词汇来描述的最美妙的地方。天堂里面没有罪恶和暴力，没有邪恶和阴暗。天堂里面有我们人类所有能够想象到的美和善的地方。天堂是佛为我们之间能够做到这三项法则的人专门准备的空间世界。
按照佛说的去做了，我们的今生今世就是天堂，做到了，就可以进入天堂，生在天堂，死后升入天堂。
在天堂之间轮回，在轮回中升华我们的境界。
永不松懈的修行，清洁和强化我们的灵魂，达到新的境界以后，自然会上升到更高的空间世界去继续修行。
佛说做到“以上三条，定可进入天堂。” 这句话是佛对进入天堂设置的唯一限制：做到了佛说的三项做人法则，即便这个人不信佛，即便这个人有其他宗教信仰，只要做到这三条，只要是我们做好了自己，一定是能够进入天堂。佛博大的胸怀和慈悲心在这一条里面充分体现了出来。
无论做什么事，都要先做人。这个简单的道理我们大家都知道。佛是至善的佛，佛法讲的也是至善的法则，普度众生。我们信佛的人应该在佛的教诲下做到这三条，要比不信佛的人做得更好才是真正做到了报答佛恩。
佛法难吗？不难。只要我们愿意做，都可以做到。
佛法容易吗？真正去做的时候，如果不能放下贪婪之心和妄想之心，还真是很难做到这三条。
按照佛说的三项做人法则去做了，就是心存天地之仁，就是心存天地至善，是心存天地的大慈悲心，当你的心和天地之慈悲为一体的时候，你原来的那个‘我’自然就没有了。
这种无我的境界是多么符合佛和菩萨所倡导的那种‘慈悲无我’的境界。
这是真正意义上的“无我”。是一个很高的境界。
而是在你真正做到了，真诚做到了，思想达到了一定高度以后，你不由自主地进入了真正“无我”的境界。
这是真正的‘慈悲无我’
什么是信佛，按照佛说的三项做人法则学习做人，才是真正的信佛。
这三项做人法则也是判断一个人所讲是不是佛法的标准，也是金标准。凡是违背了佛说的做人三项法则的东西，一定不是佛法。
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Compassion Rain in scriptures
It is like a great regal tree growing in the rocks and sand of barren wilderness. When the roots get water, the branches, leaves, flowers, and fruits will all flourish. The regal bodhi-tree growing in the wilderness of Birth and Death is the same. All living beings are its roots; all Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are its flowers and fruits. By benefitting all beings with the water of Great Compassion, one can realize the flowers and fruits of the Buddhas' and Bodhisatvas' wisdom.
The Vows of Samantabhadra
Is it a mere coincidence that my talk of the compassion rain coincide with scriptures or the mercy of bodhisattvas to deliver my father from sufferrings?
The Vows of Samantabhadra
Is it a mere coincidence that my talk of the compassion rain coincide with scriptures or the mercy of bodhisattvas to deliver my father from sufferrings?
Monday, November 22, 2010
Is Buddhism a religion?
interview with a priest from the pure land tradition:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eyohFK1D6E&feature=related
the part that the priest explains that buddha welcomes other religions as he sees them as the manifestation of the dharma gave me an immediate enlightenment, I have always felt that buddhism is the only true religion, but now, my view has changed.
buddhism is not the only truth, just the one that is the nearest to the truth.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eyohFK1D6E&feature=related
the part that the priest explains that buddha welcomes other religions as he sees them as the manifestation of the dharma gave me an immediate enlightenment, I have always felt that buddhism is the only true religion, but now, my view has changed.
buddhism is not the only truth, just the one that is the nearest to the truth.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
大悲咒全文概述
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=452278335731&id=100000547011299
皈依三寶，皈依大悲渡世的觀世音菩薩，世間感受一切恐怖病苦的眾生，要誓願宣說廣大圓滿無礙大悲救苦救難的真言，要看破生死煩惱，了悟真實光明。
皈依于大慈大悲、隨心自在的觀世音菩薩。祈求一切圓滿，不受一切鬼卒的侵害。
皈命于為觀世音菩薩請說廣大圓滿無礙大悲心陀羅尼的本尊－千光王靜住如來。能得清淨圓明的光輝，能除無明罣礙的煩惱，要修得無上的功德，方不致沈淪在無邊執著的苦海之中。
大慈大悲的觀世音菩薩，常以諸佛菩薩的化身，悠游於大千世界，密放神通，隨緣化渡，一如菩薩顯化的獅子王法身，引導有緣眾生遠離罪惡，忘卻生死煩惱，皈向真實光明。
大慈大悲的觀世音菩薩以清淨無垢聖潔蓮華的法身，順時順教，使眾生了悟佛因。
大慈大悲的觀世音菩薩，對於流布毒害眾生的貪、瞋、癡 三魔，更以嚴峻大力的法身予以降伏，使修持眾生得能清淨，菩薩更以清淨蓮華，顯現慈悲，揚灑甘露，救渡眾生脫離苦海。
只是娑婆世界眾生，常習於十惡之苦， 不知自覺，不肯脫離，使行諸利樂的菩薩，常要忍受怨嫉煩惱。然而菩薩慈悲，為救眾生癡迷，複顯化明王法身，以無上智慧破解煩惱業障，遠離一切恐怖危難。大慈大悲觀世音菩薩顯化之諸般法相，常在眾生之中，隨緣隨現，使眾生憶佛念佛，迷途知悟。
為使眾生早日皈依歡喜圓滿，無為虛空的涅盤世界，菩薩複行大慈大悲的誓願，手持寶幢，大放光明，渡化眾生通達一切法門，使眾生隨行相應，自由自在得到無上成就。
菩薩的無量佛法，廣被大眾，恰似法螺傳聲，使諸天善神均現歡喜影相，亦使眾生於聽聞佛法之後，能罪障滅除，各得成就。不管是豬面、獅面，不管是善面、惡面，凡能受此指引，都能得諸成就，即使住世之黑色塵魔，菩薩亦以顯化之大勇法相，持杖指引，渡其皈依三寶。
南無大慈大悲聖觀世音菩薩，願誠心誦持此真言者，皆得涅盤。
---來自網絡
皈依三寶，皈依大悲渡世的觀世音菩薩，世間感受一切恐怖病苦的眾生，要誓願宣說廣大圓滿無礙大悲救苦救難的真言，要看破生死煩惱，了悟真實光明。
皈依于大慈大悲、隨心自在的觀世音菩薩。祈求一切圓滿，不受一切鬼卒的侵害。
皈命于為觀世音菩薩請說廣大圓滿無礙大悲心陀羅尼的本尊－千光王靜住如來。能得清淨圓明的光輝，能除無明罣礙的煩惱，要修得無上的功德，方不致沈淪在無邊執著的苦海之中。
大慈大悲的觀世音菩薩，常以諸佛菩薩的化身，悠游於大千世界，密放神通，隨緣化渡，一如菩薩顯化的獅子王法身，引導有緣眾生遠離罪惡，忘卻生死煩惱，皈向真實光明。
大慈大悲的觀世音菩薩以清淨無垢聖潔蓮華的法身，順時順教，使眾生了悟佛因。
大慈大悲的觀世音菩薩，對於流布毒害眾生的貪、瞋、癡 三魔，更以嚴峻大力的法身予以降伏，使修持眾生得能清淨，菩薩更以清淨蓮華，顯現慈悲，揚灑甘露，救渡眾生脫離苦海。
只是娑婆世界眾生，常習於十惡之苦， 不知自覺，不肯脫離，使行諸利樂的菩薩，常要忍受怨嫉煩惱。然而菩薩慈悲，為救眾生癡迷，複顯化明王法身，以無上智慧破解煩惱業障，遠離一切恐怖危難。大慈大悲觀世音菩薩顯化之諸般法相，常在眾生之中，隨緣隨現，使眾生憶佛念佛，迷途知悟。
為使眾生早日皈依歡喜圓滿，無為虛空的涅盤世界，菩薩複行大慈大悲的誓願，手持寶幢，大放光明，渡化眾生通達一切法門，使眾生隨行相應，自由自在得到無上成就。
菩薩的無量佛法，廣被大眾，恰似法螺傳聲，使諸天善神均現歡喜影相，亦使眾生於聽聞佛法之後，能罪障滅除，各得成就。不管是豬面、獅面，不管是善面、惡面，凡能受此指引，都能得諸成就，即使住世之黑色塵魔，菩薩亦以顯化之大勇法相，持杖指引，渡其皈依三寶。
南無大慈大悲聖觀世音菩薩，願誠心誦持此真言者，皆得涅盤。
---來自網絡
Thursday, November 18, 2010
杀机变生机－“放生”比“吃鱼”更鼓舞生机
杀机变生机－“放生”比“吃鱼”更鼓舞生机
道证法师讲述
常常在病人的床底下或者桌子上，都会放著一小锅或是一小盆的活泥鳅、活鲤鱼准备进补，我每次去查房，就会听见鱼儿挣扎跳动的声音。
床底下，有人求救！
有一次我去看一位二十七岁就患了乳癌的小姐，她是一位基督徒，这样的年龄就患了乳癌，您可以想像她内心的痛苦。每次躺在检查台上，她的双手总是紧张又僵硬、冰冷的。那一天一进到病房，就听见床下一些跳动的声音，我的内心一阵触动，就告诉患者说：‘我听见您床底下，有人向我们求救！’她听了瞪大了眼睛看著我。我问她：‘当您得到这个病时，一定很希望有人能够救您，对不对？’她点点头。我告诉她说：‘您床底下的小泥鳅，想到它快要进入热锅中，丧失生命，心中的感觉就和您这时候的心情一样，您愿意作它们的主耶稣吗？您看它们在向您祈祷啊，您看！’说著，我们一齐看鱼，她的眼眶红了，含著眼泪。我说：‘如果您发心救它们，当您有困难的时候，自自然然就会有人来救您。’她欢喜地答应放生，台中商专有位碧香学长很慈悲，来为她放生。那些鱼儿得到新生的欢喜，使她颓丧的心也鼓起了光明的生机！
愿您如鱼获释，得到新生
有时候我向病人说：‘您这锅活鱼卖给我好吗？’病人时常回答说：‘医师！您要吃送给您吃好了！’，我说：‘我吃素、不吃鱼，我希望买您这锅鱼去放生，以此放生的功德回向给您，求佛保佑您，能够像这些鱼儿获得释放一样，重获健康，得到新的生命，早日回家团聚，不再受病苦的折磨。’
我和鱼儿一样，鱼儿和我一样，渴望被放生
一般，已经历过生死交关、饱受苦楚的病人，通常一听马上就能够领会到—我和那些鱼儿一样，鱼儿和我一样，而将心比心，发起慈悲。一念的慈悲就像和煦的春风，甜蜜的甘露。患者们去放鱼重生的感触和心意，实在远比吃鱼更能够大大滋润他们的生命，鼓舞他们的生机！
道证法师讲述
常常在病人的床底下或者桌子上，都会放著一小锅或是一小盆的活泥鳅、活鲤鱼准备进补，我每次去查房，就会听见鱼儿挣扎跳动的声音。
床底下，有人求救！
有一次我去看一位二十七岁就患了乳癌的小姐，她是一位基督徒，这样的年龄就患了乳癌，您可以想像她内心的痛苦。每次躺在检查台上，她的双手总是紧张又僵硬、冰冷的。那一天一进到病房，就听见床下一些跳动的声音，我的内心一阵触动，就告诉患者说：‘我听见您床底下，有人向我们求救！’她听了瞪大了眼睛看著我。我问她：‘当您得到这个病时，一定很希望有人能够救您，对不对？’她点点头。我告诉她说：‘您床底下的小泥鳅，想到它快要进入热锅中，丧失生命，心中的感觉就和您这时候的心情一样，您愿意作它们的主耶稣吗？您看它们在向您祈祷啊，您看！’说著，我们一齐看鱼，她的眼眶红了，含著眼泪。我说：‘如果您发心救它们，当您有困难的时候，自自然然就会有人来救您。’她欢喜地答应放生，台中商专有位碧香学长很慈悲，来为她放生。那些鱼儿得到新生的欢喜，使她颓丧的心也鼓起了光明的生机！
愿您如鱼获释，得到新生
有时候我向病人说：‘您这锅活鱼卖给我好吗？’病人时常回答说：‘医师！您要吃送给您吃好了！’，我说：‘我吃素、不吃鱼，我希望买您这锅鱼去放生，以此放生的功德回向给您，求佛保佑您，能够像这些鱼儿获得释放一样，重获健康，得到新的生命，早日回家团聚，不再受病苦的折磨。’
我和鱼儿一样，鱼儿和我一样，渴望被放生
一般，已经历过生死交关、饱受苦楚的病人，通常一听马上就能够领会到—我和那些鱼儿一样，鱼儿和我一样，而将心比心，发起慈悲。一念的慈悲就像和煦的春风，甜蜜的甘露。患者们去放鱼重生的感触和心意，实在远比吃鱼更能够大大滋润他们的生命，鼓舞他们的生机！
童子变弥陀－我喜欢和阿弥陀佛一样
童子变弥陀－我喜欢和阿弥陀佛一样
道证法师讲述
蟑螂宝宝死了，他妈妈……会伤心
我有一个朋友，她的女儿才上幼稚园，这孩子长得非常可爱，生性很仁慈，她把家里的各种小动物，都当成是她的好朋友，她常常拜托爷爷、奶奶不要踩死蟑螂宝宝。有一天他的爷爷不理会她的拜托，又把浴室里的蟑螂踩死了，没想到这小女孩就嚎啕大哭说：‘蟑螂宝宝只是出来散步，你为什么把它踩死呢？它家的蟑螂爸爸妈妈、蟑螂爷爷、奶奶都会伤心死了！’，说完小女孩就又哭个不停，真是如丧考妣，就好像失去了挚亲、好友一般。
‘难道我死了，你们都不会伤心吗？’
体会他苦，如同身受
她的爷爷奶奶无可奈何，只好安慰她说：‘唉呀！不会啦！不会啦！’，她听了竟然非常严肃而且义正词严地说：‘难道我死了，你们都不会伤心吗？’，大家听了都楞住回答不上来。是啊！如果我们这可爱的小娃娃，有一天上街去被一个卡车司机故意开车把她压死、压烂，难道我们都不会伤心吗？她的妈妈很惊讶地告诉我，这孩子怎么会说出这样的话呢？连她自己都想不到，我听了觉得很不可思议，佛法上所说的‘同体大悲’的精神，竟然会出自一个四岁小女孩的口中，真的叫人肃然起敬。
她可以体会小动物的痛苦，好像自己亲身所受一样，这真是不简单啊！
心心念念学弥陀
这位小女孩一听到阿弥陀佛的名号，就非常欢喜，真的是欢喜踊跃！而且非常奇妙的，就是她很崇拜阿弥陀佛，打从心里心心念念都想要学习阿弥陀佛。
学佛就是要学习和佛一样
阿弥陀佛不吃鱼，那我也不吃
她的妈妈是刚学佛不久，看到女儿这样都自叹 不如，比如说她吃饭的时候看见每一道菜，都一一要问，看到鱼她就问：‘阿弥陀佛吃不吃鱼啊？’，她的妈妈说：‘不吃！’；她就说：‘阿弥陀佛不吃，那我也不吃。’；她的奶奶听了就瞪她一眼，她就很可爱，笑著撒娇说：‘我喜欢和阿弥陀佛一样，阿弥陀佛吃的，我才要吃。’很多大人都不知道学佛就是要学习和佛一样，她竟然一听到阿弥陀佛的名字，就知道我要和阿弥陀佛一样。
睡觉念珠不离手
而且更妙的是，她坐娃娃车上幼稚园，竟然能够教全车的小朋友都唱阿弥陀佛，在幼稚园吃点心，她就合掌请阿弥陀佛先吃，而且还念‘供养佛、供养法、供养僧、供养一切众生’，全班的小朋友都学她，老师很奇怪就来请问她的妈妈，她妈妈自己都觉得很奇怪，因为有一些事连她自己都不会，怎么可能教她呢？真的，每一位众生都有佛性，孩子也是有佛性的，有她前世的修持和习惯，并不是这一生才教出来的。我看她睡觉的时候，手里拿著念珠，在翻身的时候她第一个动作就是把念珠握紧，然后微微张著嘴喃喃地念佛，我看了真是佩服得五体投地，惭愧交加，因为那个时候连我都做不到，我如果拿著念珠念佛睡著了，要等到念珠掉到了床上发出了声音我才会醒过来，又捡起念珠继续念，而她竟然连睡觉的时候都能够‘佛不离心、心不离佛’，这样真诚地忆念，真心欢喜和阿弥陀佛一样，她的精神真是我的老师，看到这孩子我都不禁要起立敬礼。
道证法师讲述
蟑螂宝宝死了，他妈妈……会伤心
我有一个朋友，她的女儿才上幼稚园，这孩子长得非常可爱，生性很仁慈，她把家里的各种小动物，都当成是她的好朋友，她常常拜托爷爷、奶奶不要踩死蟑螂宝宝。有一天他的爷爷不理会她的拜托，又把浴室里的蟑螂踩死了，没想到这小女孩就嚎啕大哭说：‘蟑螂宝宝只是出来散步，你为什么把它踩死呢？它家的蟑螂爸爸妈妈、蟑螂爷爷、奶奶都会伤心死了！’，说完小女孩就又哭个不停，真是如丧考妣，就好像失去了挚亲、好友一般。
‘难道我死了，你们都不会伤心吗？’
体会他苦，如同身受
她的爷爷奶奶无可奈何，只好安慰她说：‘唉呀！不会啦！不会啦！’，她听了竟然非常严肃而且义正词严地说：‘难道我死了，你们都不会伤心吗？’，大家听了都楞住回答不上来。是啊！如果我们这可爱的小娃娃，有一天上街去被一个卡车司机故意开车把她压死、压烂，难道我们都不会伤心吗？她的妈妈很惊讶地告诉我，这孩子怎么会说出这样的话呢？连她自己都想不到，我听了觉得很不可思议，佛法上所说的‘同体大悲’的精神，竟然会出自一个四岁小女孩的口中，真的叫人肃然起敬。
她可以体会小动物的痛苦，好像自己亲身所受一样，这真是不简单啊！
心心念念学弥陀
这位小女孩一听到阿弥陀佛的名号，就非常欢喜，真的是欢喜踊跃！而且非常奇妙的，就是她很崇拜阿弥陀佛，打从心里心心念念都想要学习阿弥陀佛。
学佛就是要学习和佛一样
阿弥陀佛不吃鱼，那我也不吃
她的妈妈是刚学佛不久，看到女儿这样都自叹 不如，比如说她吃饭的时候看见每一道菜，都一一要问，看到鱼她就问：‘阿弥陀佛吃不吃鱼啊？’，她的妈妈说：‘不吃！’；她就说：‘阿弥陀佛不吃，那我也不吃。’；她的奶奶听了就瞪她一眼，她就很可爱，笑著撒娇说：‘我喜欢和阿弥陀佛一样，阿弥陀佛吃的，我才要吃。’很多大人都不知道学佛就是要学习和佛一样，她竟然一听到阿弥陀佛的名字，就知道我要和阿弥陀佛一样。
睡觉念珠不离手
而且更妙的是，她坐娃娃车上幼稚园，竟然能够教全车的小朋友都唱阿弥陀佛，在幼稚园吃点心，她就合掌请阿弥陀佛先吃，而且还念‘供养佛、供养法、供养僧、供养一切众生’，全班的小朋友都学她，老师很奇怪就来请问她的妈妈，她妈妈自己都觉得很奇怪，因为有一些事连她自己都不会，怎么可能教她呢？真的，每一位众生都有佛性，孩子也是有佛性的，有她前世的修持和习惯，并不是这一生才教出来的。我看她睡觉的时候，手里拿著念珠，在翻身的时候她第一个动作就是把念珠握紧，然后微微张著嘴喃喃地念佛，我看了真是佩服得五体投地，惭愧交加，因为那个时候连我都做不到，我如果拿著念珠念佛睡著了，要等到念珠掉到了床上发出了声音我才会醒过来，又捡起念珠继续念，而她竟然连睡觉的时候都能够‘佛不离心、心不离佛’，这样真诚地忆念，真心欢喜和阿弥陀佛一样，她的精神真是我的老师，看到这孩子我都不禁要起立敬礼。
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Pregnant Standing, man sound asleep on seat, whose fault?
Today, during my train ride, I saw 2 pregnant ladies standing infront of the row of seats facing a sqad of sleeping passengers.
I was pretty upset by the blatant lack of grace displayed here, but was standing too far away to be able to do anything. Finally someone got off and i managed to nudge closer, I wanted to wake the man who is seated to give up his seat. However, now at this priviledged spot, I hesitated, I wasn't 100% sure if one of the lady was pregnant as someone was blocking my view, i thought to myself,"it could be someone who wore a loose blouse, if i mistakenly woke up the man, wouldn't it be an embarrassment?"
As i was hesitating, the lady turned towards me and shuffled towards the exit, that is when i confirmed (yup, no doubt about it) that she is pregnant and seemed unwell but too late, she is leaving the train.
The next lady is a malay lady, she was leaning against the glass panel by the seats looking tried, again I hesitated, thinking," should i ask her if she need a seat first or wake the man up first? " before my thoughts are over, another kind lady behind me gestured for the malay lady to go to her side and she requested for the person seated at the reserved seat to get up.
What upset me is not that people are all fast asleep on the seats without knowledge that there are others who need the seats more, what upsets me are those who are awake. I'm a good example, I had the guts to take photos but not the decency to do something right. "The greatest triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing", remember this.
I told Cain that what I need to learn from him and Rick are 2 things, the ability to recognise the right thing to do, and the courage to do the right thing.
My fear of embarrassment is an example of the strong sense of self I have. Some people's strong sense of self manifest in their temper and arrogance. Mine appears as selfishness and fear of embarrassment.
I'll take note of this defficiency in me, my promise to myself after this incident. progress needs mindfulness.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
帮助
最近有位朋友炒股票不如意，凑巧的是他的四面佛又被人偷了，打电给我要求我在佛法里给他一些启示。我一时语塞，也不知道如何安慰他。他说他埋怨整个状况，包括经纪，女朋友，也些许埋怨观世音菩萨不保佑他，以至于当我要求他去观音堂时被他拒绝了。
其实不久前我曾问过这位朋友为何笃信观世音菩萨。他觉得和观世音菩萨有缘，经常被观世音菩萨护佑，现在发生不如意事，信心有些退转了。金刚经上有云：
“菩萨于法应无所住行于布
施。所谓不住色布施。不住声香味触法布
施。须菩提。菩萨应如是布施不住于相”
我觉得这段话，也可以来警惕世人，你对佛菩萨的尊敬，礼拜，供养是不是也不住色供养。不住声香味触法供养? 平常人对佛菩萨，对上帝，对神祗往往礼拜都是有私心我执，都是为了希望他们保佑这个，祈求那个，不灵就不拜。可是如果我们静下来想，烦恼是不是往往由自己而生，是自己惹出来的？
如果人一意孤行，执意要做一些事，菩萨只能显现暗示，给与指导，该干什么还是人自己的决定，怪不得任何菩萨。菩萨慈悲，固然不会计较降罪也无从降罪，我们又于心何忍辜负他的慈悲呢？
他认为自己已经做了许多善事，觉得自己的要求不过分，就是非常失望伤心，觉得无助，被遗弃。我觉得这难道不是菩萨以最上乘的慈悲要他领悟道理？
”菩萨应如是布施不住于相“ - 做善事，如果有丝毫要求，达摩祖师曾对梁武帝说过是没有一点功德的，要领悟的就是这点！（其实这位朋友所作善事我是万分不及一，对父亲的这件事就看出他善根和我的恶业的反差）
话说回来，在火里的是他不是我，我当然能说风凉话，所以我不觉得他有任何错，这只是烦恼的一种显现，如果换是我，说不定更严重。在此也只能为友人祈祷，希望菩萨加持。
南无观世音菩萨
南无大慈大悲观世音菩萨
南无大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨
南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨
其实不久前我曾问过这位朋友为何笃信观世音菩萨。他觉得和观世音菩萨有缘，经常被观世音菩萨护佑，现在发生不如意事，信心有些退转了。金刚经上有云：
“菩萨于法应无所住行于布
施。所谓不住色布施。不住声香味触法布
施。须菩提。菩萨应如是布施不住于相”
我觉得这段话，也可以来警惕世人，你对佛菩萨的尊敬，礼拜，供养是不是也不住色供养。不住声香味触法供养? 平常人对佛菩萨，对上帝，对神祗往往礼拜都是有私心我执，都是为了希望他们保佑这个，祈求那个，不灵就不拜。可是如果我们静下来想，烦恼是不是往往由自己而生，是自己惹出来的？
如果人一意孤行，执意要做一些事，菩萨只能显现暗示，给与指导，该干什么还是人自己的决定，怪不得任何菩萨。菩萨慈悲，固然不会计较降罪也无从降罪，我们又于心何忍辜负他的慈悲呢？
他认为自己已经做了许多善事，觉得自己的要求不过分，就是非常失望伤心，觉得无助，被遗弃。我觉得这难道不是菩萨以最上乘的慈悲要他领悟道理？
”菩萨应如是布施不住于相“ - 做善事，如果有丝毫要求，达摩祖师曾对梁武帝说过是没有一点功德的，要领悟的就是这点！（其实这位朋友所作善事我是万分不及一，对父亲的这件事就看出他善根和我的恶业的反差）
话说回来，在火里的是他不是我，我当然能说风凉话，所以我不觉得他有任何错，这只是烦恼的一种显现，如果换是我，说不定更严重。在此也只能为友人祈祷，希望菩萨加持。
南无观世音菩萨
南无大慈大悲观世音菩萨
南无大慈大悲救苦救难观世音菩萨
南无大慈大悲救苦救难广大灵感观世音菩萨
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
The cup and the mug
Someone complaint to me that he has been giving while someone has been taking, he felt that it is difficult to keep up with such a one way demand for kindness. From this we started talking about desires and attachment and how to curb them.
He felt that to be able to curb these things, one has to have no life, since he/she should let go of a lot of luxuries. I however disagree. The fact that he use the term 'No life', he is already looking at things from the perspective of someone who has a large appetite for desires and attachments. To a person with simple needs, his life is far from being the 'no life' that others see. It might be true that he goes home after work, stays home over the weekend, perhaps his favorite pass time is cycling or something simple, but does that mean that he is not happy?
The analogy i drew was that of a small tea cup and a beer mug. someone with desires the size of a tea cup can be easily fulfilled compared to someone with a beer mug.
Being a buddhist is a road to make that beer mug become a small cup, and ultimately that small tea cup into an ocean without a container - holding other people's water.
Me? I do not deny i have a big beer mug to fill, i can't promise i will acheive anything but would promise that i try, in dad's name.
He felt that to be able to curb these things, one has to have no life, since he/she should let go of a lot of luxuries. I however disagree. The fact that he use the term 'No life', he is already looking at things from the perspective of someone who has a large appetite for desires and attachments. To a person with simple needs, his life is far from being the 'no life' that others see. It might be true that he goes home after work, stays home over the weekend, perhaps his favorite pass time is cycling or something simple, but does that mean that he is not happy?
The analogy i drew was that of a small tea cup and a beer mug. someone with desires the size of a tea cup can be easily fulfilled compared to someone with a beer mug.
Being a buddhist is a road to make that beer mug become a small cup, and ultimately that small tea cup into an ocean without a container - holding other people's water.
Me? I do not deny i have a big beer mug to fill, i can't promise i will acheive anything but would promise that i try, in dad's name.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Amy's support
While amy has looked upon my new devotion with some doubt and slight dislike (she was brought up in communist china), she reminded me to go vegetarian on saturday evening when she realised that i am attending the ceremony on sunday.
I am very grateful for her support, and kindness, she knew that i have a liking for buddhism and she would buy me items with buddhist inscriptions or wordings. I know i can't force her to turn to buddhism but i will always be appreciative of her support.
I am very grateful for her support, and kindness, she knew that i have a liking for buddhism and she would buy me items with buddhist inscriptions or wordings. I know i can't force her to turn to buddhism but i will always be appreciative of her support.
广大灵感观世音菩萨 + 慈悲雨
I went for the Avalokiteshvara Renunciation celebration yesterday at the Mahaprajna buddhist society. the Avalokiteshvara renunciation day is tomorrow (Cain reminded me the other day).
I joined the celebration as a volunteer. I recalled a vow i made to avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva 10 years ago when amy was not able to find a job in singapore at that time. I vowed to become a volunteer if she can get a job.
Miraculously, just 2 days before she is to return to shanghai, on a saturday, an agent called my home, just before we are about to leave the house. One thing lead to another and she eventually land herself a job in Agilent, a sister company of HP，the company i was working in. I immediately forgot about my vow, I continue to commit so many horrible karma ever since without remorse or regret.
Only when i sat down now and pondered, it could not have been a coincidence that things just clicked at that time.
Was it also a coincidence that Amy was born on the 19th day of the 6th month of the chinese calendar - Avalokiteshvara's birthday?
Was it also a coincidence that my class was chosen to volunteer for this celebration so that we can take over the society's anniversary in dec?
Was it also a coincidence that Yao wanted very much to attend the sunday class but only kids who's parents have already taken the 3 refuges can do this?
The stars are aligned, the signs are all there, I just had to take the 3 refuges, there is simply no more excuse.
Prior to the ceremony, I observed some simple form of abstinence as my respect to Avalokiteshvara (although i had to consume non-veggie on thursday due to functions)
The compassion rain came drizzling down at noon as usual, perhaps as a sign of approval or agreement. In my heart i dedicate all the merits for pushing me to take the 3 refuges to dad.
I joined the celebration as a volunteer. I recalled a vow i made to avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva 10 years ago when amy was not able to find a job in singapore at that time. I vowed to become a volunteer if she can get a job.
Miraculously, just 2 days before she is to return to shanghai, on a saturday, an agent called my home, just before we are about to leave the house. One thing lead to another and she eventually land herself a job in Agilent, a sister company of HP，the company i was working in. I immediately forgot about my vow, I continue to commit so many horrible karma ever since without remorse or regret.
Only when i sat down now and pondered, it could not have been a coincidence that things just clicked at that time.
Was it also a coincidence that Amy was born on the 19th day of the 6th month of the chinese calendar - Avalokiteshvara's birthday?
Was it also a coincidence that my class was chosen to volunteer for this celebration so that we can take over the society's anniversary in dec?
Was it also a coincidence that Yao wanted very much to attend the sunday class but only kids who's parents have already taken the 3 refuges can do this?
The stars are aligned, the signs are all there, I just had to take the 3 refuges, there is simply no more excuse.
Prior to the ceremony, I observed some simple form of abstinence as my respect to Avalokiteshvara (although i had to consume non-veggie on thursday due to functions)
The compassion rain came drizzling down at noon as usual, perhaps as a sign of approval or agreement. In my heart i dedicate all the merits for pushing me to take the 3 refuges to dad.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
the tie
The CEO of my company is coming to the office today to make a round trip to meet everyone in the company, my boss is going to wear a tie so out of respect, I wore a tie as well.
A very long time ago when i was probably still in primary school, my dad was promoted as one of the committee in the Chee Clan association that he newly joined. I remembered being so proud of him when we went shopping for a shirt and tie for his ceremony. Imagine, my dad, becoming someone important. It's strange how such pride for him has plummetted especially in the last few years of his life. I am weak, I wasn't able to see the good part of him, his silent suffering, because no one was there to listen. I kept telling myself to be nicer to him, but when i see him, I just can't bring myself to do it.
A very long time ago when i was probably still in primary school, my dad was promoted as one of the committee in the Chee Clan association that he newly joined. I remembered being so proud of him when we went shopping for a shirt and tie for his ceremony. Imagine, my dad, becoming someone important. It's strange how such pride for him has plummetted especially in the last few years of his life. I am weak, I wasn't able to see the good part of him, his silent suffering, because no one was there to listen. I kept telling myself to be nicer to him, but when i see him, I just can't bring myself to do it.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
焚香
老爸的生祭那天，和妹妹到光明山祭奠，到骨灰塔之前，我照惯例给地藏菩萨上香，却发现老妹只是合掌，并不上香。我问她为什么，她说为什么一定要上香？我便告诉她，佛前上香是我们华人的一种习俗，应该尊重。
我记得创价协会有位老先生对其他佛教派系的习俗，他都是给与尊重，需要烧香的就烧香，不需要的便也不勉强。佛教是个包容性强的宗教，对其他宗教都是一样的敬重，更何况是不同的佛教派系？
回家后，我对佛前敬香这个习俗想了很久，也问自己为什么要上香，除了尊重传统，应该还有其他的原因。其实礼佛，不一定要上香，因为许多佛寺，佛堂其实会谢绝上香，理由可能是因为太多信众烧香，反而会造成污染，香灰又会把清静无染的佛堂搞得乌烟瘴气，反而让人反感。
我突有所悟，在古代中国，燃香，本意是让香气陶冶人心，让心神安静下来，古人在家也会燃香让家里充满芬芳的香气，让人舒适，欢喜 - 就像现代人放清香剂的道理一样。简单说，我们礼佛时，可以绕佛，用语言赞叹佛的功德，慈悲，献上香花，和自己喜爱的东西（当然是要合乎五戒，十善等佛教法则的）。地藏菩萨本愿经里地神护法品第十一就说到：
“。。。世尊。我观未来及现在
众生。于所住处于南方清洁之地。以土石
竹木作其龛室。是中能塑画乃至金银铜铁。
作地藏形像烧香供养瞻礼赞叹。是人居处
即得十种利益。”
地藏菩萨本愿经也不止一次提到：“。。。何况见闻菩萨。以诸
香华衣服饮食宝贝璎珞布施供养。所获功
德福利无量无边。。。”
其实佛菩萨对我们的一切供养并不执著，作供养，目的是 - 庄严佛像。 就是要让佛像庄严，让众生因此而心生欢喜，增加信心。只要心里知道焚香是为什么，便不怕被指迷信了！
最后我对佛教徒的忠告：Don't become a christian buddhist
我记得创价协会有位老先生对其他佛教派系的习俗，他都是给与尊重，需要烧香的就烧香，不需要的便也不勉强。佛教是个包容性强的宗教，对其他宗教都是一样的敬重，更何况是不同的佛教派系？
回家后，我对佛前敬香这个习俗想了很久，也问自己为什么要上香，除了尊重传统，应该还有其他的原因。其实礼佛，不一定要上香，因为许多佛寺，佛堂其实会谢绝上香，理由可能是因为太多信众烧香，反而会造成污染，香灰又会把清静无染的佛堂搞得乌烟瘴气，反而让人反感。
我突有所悟，在古代中国，燃香，本意是让香气陶冶人心，让心神安静下来，古人在家也会燃香让家里充满芬芳的香气，让人舒适，欢喜 - 就像现代人放清香剂的道理一样。简单说，我们礼佛时，可以绕佛，用语言赞叹佛的功德，慈悲，献上香花，和自己喜爱的东西（当然是要合乎五戒，十善等佛教法则的）。地藏菩萨本愿经里地神护法品第十一就说到：
“。。。世尊。我观未来及现在
众生。于所住处于南方清洁之地。以土石
竹木作其龛室。是中能塑画乃至金银铜铁。
作地藏形像烧香供养瞻礼赞叹。是人居处
即得十种利益。”
地藏菩萨本愿经也不止一次提到：“。。。何况见闻菩萨。以诸
香华衣服饮食宝贝璎珞布施供养。所获功
德福利无量无边。。。”
其实佛菩萨对我们的一切供养并不执著，作供养，目的是 - 庄严佛像。 就是要让佛像庄严，让众生因此而心生欢喜，增加信心。只要心里知道焚香是为什么，便不怕被指迷信了！
最后我对佛教徒的忠告：Don't become a christian buddhist
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Sleeping position
When I found dad, he looked sound asleep, lying on his right, hands under his head, legs bent, looking very peaceful, finally, out of his misery. Its painful, each time i think of all the circumstances that led to his eventual demise.
Dad's dying position however, is the 'endorsed' buddhist sleeping position, buddha lay on the same side when he entered nirvana, yet another reminder for me to be diligent?
Dad's dying position however, is the 'endorsed' buddhist sleeping position, buddha lay on the same side when he entered nirvana, yet another reminder for me to be diligent?
Pan-Da Lama
Uncle Yang introduced a tibetan monk, Pan-da lama to my sis and me on last wed. I invited him to go to dad's house on sunday to perform a deliverance rite, we scheduled the time meet at 9am as he said that rites should be performed in the morning as the morning is Buddha's time. I feel at ease with the Lama as i can see that he is a simple person. When we say that someone is simple, we sometimes think that that means the person is not as intelligent, or even dumb, and easily deceivable.
I believe that the utmost sophistication and wisdom comes from the most simplest person. Being shrewed, clever, or even cunning can sometimes be the worst thing that could happen to a person. It happened to me at least. I thought i was being clever when i tried all means and ways to shun responsibilities of dad, there are many extreme and evil things i did to him, i managed to get away each time because he has never complaint, aways being patient on me. I tried to tell myself that I have done enough, and used all my intelligence to take advantage of him.
To ensure that there is no cock up, i even went to my dad's house twice on sat (once at noon and no ones' home, once at 11pm) to make sure we can enter the place.
On Sunday, i called Pan-da lama at 8:30am met him up as incidentally, he stays in woodlands at a devotee's place, (it must have been Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva's workings?), the Lama requested for some rice and water from the tenant.
I had to clean up the room where my dad passed away so that the Lama can do his chanting, i believe we spent close to an hour for the ritual. With my limited sanskrit I believe he started off with the great compassion mantra (大悲咒）and proceed to other mantras including Om mani padme hum and Namo Amitabha.
End of the ritual, I used the Standard Chinese Mahayana school ritual to thank Pan-da lama and gave donations on behalf of dad for the building of the monastery in Nepal. He gave me 2 tibetan artefact's for protection.
愿以此功德回向极乐国民徐玉和
I believe that the utmost sophistication and wisdom comes from the most simplest person. Being shrewed, clever, or even cunning can sometimes be the worst thing that could happen to a person. It happened to me at least. I thought i was being clever when i tried all means and ways to shun responsibilities of dad, there are many extreme and evil things i did to him, i managed to get away each time because he has never complaint, aways being patient on me. I tried to tell myself that I have done enough, and used all my intelligence to take advantage of him.
To ensure that there is no cock up, i even went to my dad's house twice on sat (once at noon and no ones' home, once at 11pm) to make sure we can enter the place.
On Sunday, i called Pan-da lama at 8:30am met him up as incidentally, he stays in woodlands at a devotee's place, (it must have been Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva's workings?), the Lama requested for some rice and water from the tenant.
I had to clean up the room where my dad passed away so that the Lama can do his chanting, i believe we spent close to an hour for the ritual. With my limited sanskrit I believe he started off with the great compassion mantra (大悲咒）and proceed to other mantras including Om mani padme hum and Namo Amitabha.
End of the ritual, I used the Standard Chinese Mahayana school ritual to thank Pan-da lama and gave donations on behalf of dad for the building of the monastery in Nepal. He gave me 2 tibetan artefact's for protection.
愿以此功德回向极乐国民徐玉和
Friday, September 17, 2010
Mindfulness
Today, while surfing through facebook, i came across this video of a lecture by an american monk Paul Muenzen about the diamond sutra. He said that the first chapter of the diamond sutra is the most important chapter of the entire sutra.
Now, for one who is familar with the buddha sutras, he/she would know that the first chapter is usually an introductory chapter that always starts with 'Thus I have heard...' and talks about buddha going about his daily chores before sitting down for Q&A. this is the first chapter of the diamond sutra:
"Thus have I heard. Upon a time Buddha sojourned in Anathapindika's Park by Shravasti with a great company of bhikshus, even twelve hundred and fifty. One day, at the time for breaking fast, the World-honored One enrobed, and carrying His bowl made His way into the great city of Shravasti to beg for His food. In the midst of the city He begged from door to door according to rule. This done, He returned to His retreat and took His meal. When He had finished He put away His robe and begging bowl, washed His feet, arranged His seat, and sat down. "
Its a simple chapter that gives the setting of the situation whereupon buddha gave his sermons and lectures. This, according to Paul, a Zen monk is the most important chapter.
The diamond sutra is the summary of the Maha Prajnaparamita sutras (the Heart Sutra is a summary of the diamon sutra, some says). It talks about emptiness. The buddhist concept of emptiness is very different from the concept we know. It is not the absence of something, rather it is the inter-dependency of phenomenon and nounmenon, without which reality does not arise. this is called 缘起 in chinese and translated as dependent arising, the core principle in Mahayana buddhism. Buddha tells us that nothing exists independently, and nothing arise from nothing. Since that is the case, nothing is permanent but is always in a flux of change. Emptiness is a name given to this characteristic of reality as:
"it is not there before, it is not there after, so where is it?"
In this first chapter, it tells us how Buddha practises emptiness, which is through mindfulness - i call it psychological or spiritual discipline. By understanding emptiness, buddha is thus void of a 'me' ego, without the 'me' ego, he does not get attached to the need for nice food, but takes any food offered. Being the world honoured one, he begs for food so that sentient beings can accumulate good karma by giving, without ego, he is not ashame to beg for food - this is emptiness.
Without a 'me' ego, he is discipline in his actions, his time table is strictly adhered to as he does not get deviated by any thoughts - or 'mind monkey' by going around thinking 'hmm...i'm not hungry, i'll eat later' or thinking 'maybe i'll wear my new rode to beg' or thinking 'I will go to this house for food as they serve good food'. Its simple, time to beg, beg. Time to eat, eat. Time to sit down to give lecture, lecture. Not swaying a bit, not affected by anything, just go with cause and effect.
Emptiness, so profound in practice, yet an extremly simple concept achievable by mindfulness.
URL of Paul's lecture: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_f9864bdbM&feature=related
Now, for one who is familar with the buddha sutras, he/she would know that the first chapter is usually an introductory chapter that always starts with 'Thus I have heard...' and talks about buddha going about his daily chores before sitting down for Q&A. this is the first chapter of the diamond sutra:
"Thus have I heard. Upon a time Buddha sojourned in Anathapindika's Park by Shravasti with a great company of bhikshus, even twelve hundred and fifty. One day, at the time for breaking fast, the World-honored One enrobed, and carrying His bowl made His way into the great city of Shravasti to beg for His food. In the midst of the city He begged from door to door according to rule. This done, He returned to His retreat and took His meal. When He had finished He put away His robe and begging bowl, washed His feet, arranged His seat, and sat down. "
Its a simple chapter that gives the setting of the situation whereupon buddha gave his sermons and lectures. This, according to Paul, a Zen monk is the most important chapter.
The diamond sutra is the summary of the Maha Prajnaparamita sutras (the Heart Sutra is a summary of the diamon sutra, some says). It talks about emptiness. The buddhist concept of emptiness is very different from the concept we know. It is not the absence of something, rather it is the inter-dependency of phenomenon and nounmenon, without which reality does not arise. this is called 缘起 in chinese and translated as dependent arising, the core principle in Mahayana buddhism. Buddha tells us that nothing exists independently, and nothing arise from nothing. Since that is the case, nothing is permanent but is always in a flux of change. Emptiness is a name given to this characteristic of reality as:
"it is not there before, it is not there after, so where is it?"
In this first chapter, it tells us how Buddha practises emptiness, which is through mindfulness - i call it psychological or spiritual discipline. By understanding emptiness, buddha is thus void of a 'me' ego, without the 'me' ego, he does not get attached to the need for nice food, but takes any food offered. Being the world honoured one, he begs for food so that sentient beings can accumulate good karma by giving, without ego, he is not ashame to beg for food - this is emptiness.
Without a 'me' ego, he is discipline in his actions, his time table is strictly adhered to as he does not get deviated by any thoughts - or 'mind monkey' by going around thinking 'hmm...i'm not hungry, i'll eat later' or thinking 'maybe i'll wear my new rode to beg' or thinking 'I will go to this house for food as they serve good food'. Its simple, time to beg, beg. Time to eat, eat. Time to sit down to give lecture, lecture. Not swaying a bit, not affected by anything, just go with cause and effect.
Emptiness, so profound in practice, yet an extremly simple concept achievable by mindfulness.
URL of Paul's lecture: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_f9864bdbM&feature=related
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
发心
发心学佛者，佛教归类为三种：
下品 - 发求增上生心者：希望来生果报比今生好。
中品 - 发出离心者：希望永离三界六道，得解脱，涅磐乐，不再回来受苦。
上品 - 发大菩提心者：不愿自得解脱，而发慈悲心，希望与众生同登彼岸。
我呢？ 从小就由于父亲的影响，认为自己是华人，自豪感让我对基督，天主教没有信奉的兴趣认为这些是红毛人的宗教。小时，妈送我到教堂的sunday school 可是当老师问我要不要成为基督教徒时，我毫不犹豫的拒绝了。
一直对佛教就心生欢喜，不过却若继若离，特别是心里知道对老爸不孝，还萌生了希望把责任推拖的心态，所以就不敢太深入，深怕要对老爸恨心时，由于宗教的约束而下不了手。我竟然把聪明用在这上面了，丑陋，自私，现实的心态表露无遗。
知道父亲在最后的日子里，经由朋友的善导，而念阿弥陀佛，是对生活的不公的呐喊，是对不孝子的乞求，懊悔啊！千辈子的刻在我的阿赖耶识里，求出无期。
我就是因为要对父亲有个交代，对他的子孙有个交代，希望能维持精进心，希望这份心永不退转。
下品 - 发求增上生心者：希望来生果报比今生好。
中品 - 发出离心者：希望永离三界六道，得解脱，涅磐乐，不再回来受苦。
上品 - 发大菩提心者：不愿自得解脱，而发慈悲心，希望与众生同登彼岸。
我呢？ 从小就由于父亲的影响，认为自己是华人，自豪感让我对基督，天主教没有信奉的兴趣认为这些是红毛人的宗教。小时，妈送我到教堂的sunday school 可是当老师问我要不要成为基督教徒时，我毫不犹豫的拒绝了。
一直对佛教就心生欢喜，不过却若继若离，特别是心里知道对老爸不孝，还萌生了希望把责任推拖的心态，所以就不敢太深入，深怕要对老爸恨心时，由于宗教的约束而下不了手。我竟然把聪明用在这上面了，丑陋，自私，现实的心态表露无遗。
知道父亲在最后的日子里，经由朋友的善导，而念阿弥陀佛，是对生活的不公的呐喊，是对不孝子的乞求，懊悔啊！千辈子的刻在我的阿赖耶识里，求出无期。
我就是因为要对父亲有个交代，对他的子孙有个交代，希望能维持精进心，希望这份心永不退转。
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Dream of Dad part 12
I dreamt about dad again yesterday. In the dream he has supposedly past away, but came back to life and was sleeping with beddings and everything in the toilet. I prepared the room for him and wanted to move him over, I had so much in plan for him in the dream I wanted to do a lot of things for him in the dream.
I know it is once again a manifestation of my guilt for abandoning him, for ignoring him. I had so many chances to do so much for him but i blew them all. Now everytime I am with my family, playing with the kids, going somewhere for leisure, i can't help but think about him and wishing so badly that he is here.
I had chances to prove my worth, to practice my benevolence, compassion, but now that chance has passed.
I know it is once again a manifestation of my guilt for abandoning him, for ignoring him. I had so many chances to do so much for him but i blew them all. Now everytime I am with my family, playing with the kids, going somewhere for leisure, i can't help but think about him and wishing so badly that he is here.
I had chances to prove my worth, to practice my benevolence, compassion, but now that chance has passed.
Daughter's diligence
I saw my daughter writing on something tonight, I went over and saw that she is actually copying the five precepts from a comic book called "Inspiration from Buddha" to her little note book. They say that parents set examples for their children, this reminds me to be more careful in what i do around my children.
During our Krabi trip over the last weekend, we went on a 4 island trip that involves taking a local bump boat to the islands, my daughter is visibly scared as the weather was getting bad and the sea getting rough. Later on i realised that she has calmed down, and noticed that her lips were , she was chanting "Namo Amitabha" during the ride.
When we went for shoping, she insisted in buying a buddha statue and in the end my wife bought her a small Maitreya bodhisattva statue.
When i told someone that buddha lived 2500 years ago recently, she can even correct me and said that it was 2600 years ago. She even explained to me how according to the buddhist legends, humans came about on this earth.
I don't know what future lies for her but will try my best to show her the correct path, whether she would eventually become a buddhist or not would depend on her affiliations with buddhism.
During our Krabi trip over the last weekend, we went on a 4 island trip that involves taking a local bump boat to the islands, my daughter is visibly scared as the weather was getting bad and the sea getting rough. Later on i realised that she has calmed down, and noticed that her lips were , she was chanting "Namo Amitabha" during the ride.
When we went for shoping, she insisted in buying a buddha statue and in the end my wife bought her a small Maitreya bodhisattva statue.
When i told someone that buddha lived 2500 years ago recently, she can even correct me and said that it was 2600 years ago. She even explained to me how according to the buddhist legends, humans came about on this earth.
I don't know what future lies for her but will try my best to show her the correct path, whether she would eventually become a buddhist or not would depend on her affiliations with buddhism.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Paradox
To spike christians, a friend of mine would ask this question:"Since God is omnipotent, can he create a rock so heavy that he cannot lift?"
This is a question that is supposed to embarrass religions that believe in an omnipotent creator.
I recently came across similar question posted by someone on buddhism-online, the chinese Buddhism website, this time the question is directed at Buddha. He asks:"Since Buddha is omnipotent, can he create a rock so heavy that he cannot lift?"
I laughed when i saw this question, becuase obviously the person who asked this question has no idea who the buddha is, and what buddha or buddhism claimed that buddha can do.
The response to this question by buddhism-online is the best i have ever seen, this response is obviously written by someone highly enlightened, as it not only explain that Buddha is, and has never claimed to be omnipotent, the writer, went on, out of compassion to defend christianity and showed that the question is absolutely absurd.
To see the response, this is the URL: http://ask.fjnet.com/daoshi/wrfs/201006/t20100622_158768.htm
This is a question that is supposed to embarrass religions that believe in an omnipotent creator.
I recently came across similar question posted by someone on buddhism-online, the chinese Buddhism website, this time the question is directed at Buddha. He asks:"Since Buddha is omnipotent, can he create a rock so heavy that he cannot lift?"
I laughed when i saw this question, becuase obviously the person who asked this question has no idea who the buddha is, and what buddha or buddhism claimed that buddha can do.
The response to this question by buddhism-online is the best i have ever seen, this response is obviously written by someone highly enlightened, as it not only explain that Buddha is, and has never claimed to be omnipotent, the writer, went on, out of compassion to defend christianity and showed that the question is absolutely absurd.
To see the response, this is the URL: http://ask.fjnet.com/daoshi/wrfs/201006/t20100622_158768.htm
悲
悲，莫过于树欲静而风不息，子欲养而亲不在
曾经，认为父亲是累赘，当得知父亲得的是肾病需要洗肾时，想的不是要好好照顾他，反而是怪他为什么要那么麻烦，心中许多恶毒的想法是说不尽的。为什么我每次看到他时没有办法对他有怜悯？他看我的最后一眼，失望，悲伤，还有愤怒，我当时不当一回事，而现在永远忘不了。
曾经，认为父亲是累赘，当得知父亲得的是肾病需要洗肾时，想的不是要好好照顾他，反而是怪他为什么要那么麻烦，心中许多恶毒的想法是说不尽的。为什么我每次看到他时没有办法对他有怜悯？他看我的最后一眼，失望，悲伤，还有愤怒，我当时不当一回事，而现在永远忘不了。
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
大悲观世音
曾经和朋友说起，父亲是观世音菩萨的化生，朋友一定以为我走火入魔了。观世音菩萨现大悲神力，化生不同的形象，来普渡众生，同样的，众生若能感化其他众生，使他们有所觉悟，痛彻，便是以观世音菩萨名义渡化众生。妙法莲华经观世音菩萨普门品第二十五说道：
“。。。若有国土众生应以佛身得度者。观世音菩萨。即现佛身而为说法。应以辟支佛身得度者。即现辟支佛身而为说法。应以声闻身得度者。即现声闻身而为说法。应以梵王身得度者。即现梵王身而为说法。应以帝释身得度者。即现帝释身而为说法。应以自在天身得度者。即现自在天身而为说法。应以大自在天身得度者。即现大自在天身而为说法。应以天大将军身得度者。即现天大将军身而为说法。应以毘沙门身得度者。即现毘沙门身而为说法。应以小王身得度者。即现小王身而为说法。应以长者身得度者。即现长者身而为说法。应以居士身得度者。即现居士身而为说法。应以宰官身得度者。即现宰官身而为说法。应以婆罗门身得度者。即现婆罗门身而为说法。应以比丘、比丘尼、优婆塞、优婆夷身得度者。即现比丘、比丘尼、优婆塞、优婆夷身而为说法。应以长者、居士、宰官、婆罗门、妇女身得度者。即现妇女身而为说法。应以童男、童女身得度者。即现童男、童女身而为说法。应以天龙、夜叉、乾闼婆、阿修罗、迦楼罗、紧那罗、摩睺罗伽、人、非人等身得度者。即皆现之而为说法。应以执金刚神得度者。即现执金刚神而为说法。。。”
佛说八大人觉经里亦提到：
。。。第八觉知：生死炽然，苦恼无量；发大乘心，普济一切，愿代众生，受无量苦，令诸众生，毕竟大乐。
“愿代众生，受无量苦”父亲受无量苦，来渡化我们，既菩萨行。
南无大悲观世音菩萨摩诃萨
南无大悲观世音菩萨摩诃萨
南无大悲观世音菩萨摩诃萨
“。。。若有国土众生应以佛身得度者。观世音菩萨。即现佛身而为说法。应以辟支佛身得度者。即现辟支佛身而为说法。应以声闻身得度者。即现声闻身而为说法。应以梵王身得度者。即现梵王身而为说法。应以帝释身得度者。即现帝释身而为说法。应以自在天身得度者。即现自在天身而为说法。应以大自在天身得度者。即现大自在天身而为说法。应以天大将军身得度者。即现天大将军身而为说法。应以毘沙门身得度者。即现毘沙门身而为说法。应以小王身得度者。即现小王身而为说法。应以长者身得度者。即现长者身而为说法。应以居士身得度者。即现居士身而为说法。应以宰官身得度者。即现宰官身而为说法。应以婆罗门身得度者。即现婆罗门身而为说法。应以比丘、比丘尼、优婆塞、优婆夷身得度者。即现比丘、比丘尼、优婆塞、优婆夷身而为说法。应以长者、居士、宰官、婆罗门、妇女身得度者。即现妇女身而为说法。应以童男、童女身得度者。即现童男、童女身而为说法。应以天龙、夜叉、乾闼婆、阿修罗、迦楼罗、紧那罗、摩睺罗伽、人、非人等身得度者。即皆现之而为说法。应以执金刚神得度者。即现执金刚神而为说法。。。”
佛说八大人觉经里亦提到：
。。。第八觉知：生死炽然，苦恼无量；发大乘心，普济一切，愿代众生，受无量苦，令诸众生，毕竟大乐。
“愿代众生，受无量苦”父亲受无量苦，来渡化我们，既菩萨行。
南无大悲观世音菩萨摩诃萨
南无大悲观世音菩萨摩诃萨
南无大悲观世音菩萨摩诃萨
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Realization
Realization that I would never know what is dad's likes and dislikes, pain, suffering, happiness suddenly dawn on me 10 mins ago. How pitiful, for a son to draw a blank face if anyone asks this question.
He must have faced so much pain and suffering, but no one to help him at all, no one there to listen, to understand and to offer words of comfort.
The last time he was hospitalized in April this year, he complaint that he want to be discharged as soon as possible because of the high fees for dialysis in the hospital. I only told him:"we have no choice". Not a word of comfort, not a display of concern.
I told my sis that she is right that this was dad's karma in full motion. But this gives no excuse that we should treat him this way, my ill-treatment of him is part of his karma during the last days of his life, a hellish 4 years of isolation, torture.
however, being his karma doesn't make my karma any lesser, it only time that i would know when my just retribution is going to come claim its kill.
He must have faced so much pain and suffering, but no one to help him at all, no one there to listen, to understand and to offer words of comfort.
The last time he was hospitalized in April this year, he complaint that he want to be discharged as soon as possible because of the high fees for dialysis in the hospital. I only told him:"we have no choice". Not a word of comfort, not a display of concern.
I told my sis that she is right that this was dad's karma in full motion. But this gives no excuse that we should treat him this way, my ill-treatment of him is part of his karma during the last days of his life, a hellish 4 years of isolation, torture.
however, being his karma doesn't make my karma any lesser, it only time that i would know when my just retribution is going to come claim its kill.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Orchids and Minah
I was on leave on last tueday as my mom need to go for a safety course. Incidentally it was the Ullambana day, commonly known as the hungry ghost festival. I went ot the Admiralty market to buy some flowers as offerings to my ancestors and dad.
Dad loves orchids. My mom told me that when he was young, he planted many orchids in my granpa's house back in malyasia. When we moved to potong pasir in 1984, he made himself a pot holder out of pvc pipes that could hold ten pots. I remembered he got the idea when we went to our new house to visit before we move in and we saw one of our neighbour made a pvc pot holder to hold his pots.
Dad is kind to plants, especially orchids. I remember that he would rescue orchids found on the road side, plant it in his pot and when it is strong enough, transplant it to the trees near our house.
Knowing that he loves orchids, back in 2005 Amy's office were throwing away decorative pots of orchids and when i got to know about it, requested for her to inform me if they have any to spare so that i can bring it back for dad, unfortunately that did not materialise.
I decided that flower offerings for dad would be orchids from now on, so i bought a bouquet of orchid. As usual I did an illegal parking thinking that i would be back in a blink. After buying the orchid, Amy wanted to buy some chicken popcorns from KFC, but when we went to KFC we noticed that they only serve breakfast and popcorn is not on the menu.
When returning to the car, we saw a minah (affectionate name for a ticket attendent) walk pass our car, walking towards the other cars that were as illegally parked as us. Had we been late for even 5 mins, i am sure to get a ticket. To me this is another miracle, but who is my benefactor? my dad? or avalokitesvara bodhisattva, giving me an affirmation that i have done the right thing for my dad?
Venerable Jing Kong had once said that we should not be attached to phenomena, for if you are attached, a good sign would become a bad one. Conversely, if you are not attached, a bad sign could become a good one. I know the theory, but when can i learn to practise it?
Dad loves orchids. My mom told me that when he was young, he planted many orchids in my granpa's house back in malyasia. When we moved to potong pasir in 1984, he made himself a pot holder out of pvc pipes that could hold ten pots. I remembered he got the idea when we went to our new house to visit before we move in and we saw one of our neighbour made a pvc pot holder to hold his pots.
Dad is kind to plants, especially orchids. I remember that he would rescue orchids found on the road side, plant it in his pot and when it is strong enough, transplant it to the trees near our house.
Knowing that he loves orchids, back in 2005 Amy's office were throwing away decorative pots of orchids and when i got to know about it, requested for her to inform me if they have any to spare so that i can bring it back for dad, unfortunately that did not materialise.
I decided that flower offerings for dad would be orchids from now on, so i bought a bouquet of orchid. As usual I did an illegal parking thinking that i would be back in a blink. After buying the orchid, Amy wanted to buy some chicken popcorns from KFC, but when we went to KFC we noticed that they only serve breakfast and popcorn is not on the menu.
When returning to the car, we saw a minah (affectionate name for a ticket attendent) walk pass our car, walking towards the other cars that were as illegally parked as us. Had we been late for even 5 mins, i am sure to get a ticket. To me this is another miracle, but who is my benefactor? my dad? or avalokitesvara bodhisattva, giving me an affirmation that i have done the right thing for my dad?
Venerable Jing Kong had once said that we should not be attached to phenomena, for if you are attached, a good sign would become a bad one. Conversely, if you are not attached, a bad sign could become a good one. I know the theory, but when can i learn to practise it?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sutra recite
I recited the Ullambana sutra again on 22 aug monday early morning, when everyone is asleep. it is the 14th day of the 7th lunar month, it is a relatively short sutra which talks about Buddha's answer to Mahamaudgalyayana's plea to save his mom, who has been reborn as a hungry ghost. This perhaps is the origin of the chinese hungry ghost festival.
This is my only way i can express my regrets for dad, and to pay tributes to him.
This is my only way i can express my regrets for dad, and to pay tributes to him.
Dream of dad part 11
I had a dream of dad the other day, in the dream I rushed to his help, he looks happy and blissful. I know its my guilt that make me relive and try to undo all the wrongs i have done. not a day pass without me thinking of 'how I wish dad is around, I would do this or that for him' whenever i do anything, go any where, or even eat anything.
I watched this movie with Amy the other day, it was about the Tangshan earthquake that killed an entire cityin china in 1978, there were touching scenes that moved Amy to tears, but while I would have been moved to tears in the past by such scenes, I could not find myself doing that now. Why? I don't even feel any compassion for My dad, who was in such sorry state, I feel that if I have any emotions at all for a movie, I would be such a hypocrite. I want to try to learn to be compassionate, but trying to feel compassionate for another will somehow trigger the devil in my heart to mock me, to torture me.
I feel i have lost the right to have any compassion.
I watched this movie with Amy the other day, it was about the Tangshan earthquake that killed an entire cityin china in 1978, there were touching scenes that moved Amy to tears, but while I would have been moved to tears in the past by such scenes, I could not find myself doing that now. Why? I don't even feel any compassion for My dad, who was in such sorry state, I feel that if I have any emotions at all for a movie, I would be such a hypocrite. I want to try to learn to be compassionate, but trying to feel compassionate for another will somehow trigger the devil in my heart to mock me, to torture me.
I feel i have lost the right to have any compassion.
Ullambana
Ullambana is a buddhist festival that occurs on the full moon day of the seventh lunar month. When i say this name it does not ring a bell for many, but if i mention the word hungry ghost festival, everyone will immediately relate to the month of incense buring, getai, etc.
The chinese has integrated the original buddhist festival with folk culture and it becomes a time where the gates of hell opens and all ghosts are released for a month of holiday. Buddhists however believe that this is the 'Buddha Blissfulness' festival where we should donate and provide to people in need.
I went to the Ullambana celebration held in the Mahaprajna buddhist society. The ceremony starts at 11am, whereby the assembly sings the society anthem and proceed to recide the Ullambana Sutra. It was a simple yet harmonizing experience. No incense burning, no great fanfare.
The chinese has integrated the original buddhist festival with folk culture and it becomes a time where the gates of hell opens and all ghosts are released for a month of holiday. Buddhists however believe that this is the 'Buddha Blissfulness' festival where we should donate and provide to people in need.
I went to the Ullambana celebration held in the Mahaprajna buddhist society. The ceremony starts at 11am, whereby the assembly sings the society anthem and proceed to recide the Ullambana Sutra. It was a simple yet harmonizing experience. No incense burning, no great fanfare.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Misfortunes
Someone trying to sell me an insurance sent me a few documents on the insurance policy for critical illness, claiming that they allow early critical illness claims while most insurance don't. This is how the example scenario is being indicated in their illustration of the benefit of this insurance:
Example Scenario :
Mr Tan is a non-smoker and was 34 years old when he bought XXXComplete Critical Cover.
He pays an annual premium of $1,819 for an Insured Amount of $100,000.
At age 37, his annual health-screening reveals that he has developed Prostrate Cancer.
He makes an Early Critical Illness claim and receives an immediate payout of $25,000 (25% of $100,000), seeks immediate treatment, and makes a full recovery.
At the age of 45, he suffers a major Stroke.
He makes a Major Critical Illness claim and receives a further payout of $100,000, and is able to return to work part time.
His future premium payments are waived by XXX.
At age 62, he suffers a serious Stroke and makes a successful claim for a Catastrophic Critical Illness.
He receives a further $75,000 (200% of $100,000 - $100,000 - $25,000) and uses the money to pay for nursing care at home.
When anyone read this, they must have noticed how unfortunate Mr Tan is, having to bear so many misfortunes, one might even thing that they would rather be dead then suffer these.
Do not think that this is a made up scenario, many around us suffer much worst misfortune then this, perhaps a thousand, 2 thousand times more. Buddhist trainings helps us to prepare for the unexpected, with minimum attachment, we will understand the impermanence of life, feel gratitude for what we now possess and accept misfortunes if they arrive while striving to make the best of our lifes even during adversity.
I have seen many Singaporeans who are so attached to their cars, they literally want to stay in the car. They adorn their cars, waste so much time on their cars, modify it to a beastly proportion, these are time and money that they could spend on their family.
My friend call this ignorance（痴）. Ignorance is the product of Ego, with ego comes the thoughts that one is invincible, too clever, too smart to be faulted in anyway. With ego comes the fear of loss to ones possessions, pride. Ignorance then turn into greed（贪）, greed in possessing things for 'myself' protect my possession, fight for them. and when things do not go their way, it then turn into anger (嗔）.
I was once so greedy, so greedy for my own enjoyment, my own peace, anger for having to deal with these inconvenience, ignorant by thinking of thousand and one way to shun responsibilities. I left Dad unattended, slowly crumbling, before i can wake from my greed, anger and ignorance, he is gone. Cain told me, in hokkien, 有量才有福，I am very grateful to have heard this from him just before dad pass away, because these words though did not completely turn me over a new leaf due to ages of ignorance, greed and anger so thick that it is almost impossible to wipe off, did had an impact and I started to try to treat dad better, but in the end my laziness kicked in and that caused dad his life.
有量才有福 for all you out there, this is a great lesson to be learnt by all.
Example Scenario :
Mr Tan is a non-smoker and was 34 years old when he bought XXXComplete Critical Cover.
He pays an annual premium of $1,819 for an Insured Amount of $100,000.
At age 37, his annual health-screening reveals that he has developed Prostrate Cancer.
He makes an Early Critical Illness claim and receives an immediate payout of $25,000 (25% of $100,000), seeks immediate treatment, and makes a full recovery.
At the age of 45, he suffers a major Stroke.
He makes a Major Critical Illness claim and receives a further payout of $100,000, and is able to return to work part time.
His future premium payments are waived by XXX.
At age 62, he suffers a serious Stroke and makes a successful claim for a Catastrophic Critical Illness.
He receives a further $75,000 (200% of $100,000 - $100,000 - $25,000) and uses the money to pay for nursing care at home.
When anyone read this, they must have noticed how unfortunate Mr Tan is, having to bear so many misfortunes, one might even thing that they would rather be dead then suffer these.
Do not think that this is a made up scenario, many around us suffer much worst misfortune then this, perhaps a thousand, 2 thousand times more. Buddhist trainings helps us to prepare for the unexpected, with minimum attachment, we will understand the impermanence of life, feel gratitude for what we now possess and accept misfortunes if they arrive while striving to make the best of our lifes even during adversity.
I have seen many Singaporeans who are so attached to their cars, they literally want to stay in the car. They adorn their cars, waste so much time on their cars, modify it to a beastly proportion, these are time and money that they could spend on their family.
My friend call this ignorance（痴）. Ignorance is the product of Ego, with ego comes the thoughts that one is invincible, too clever, too smart to be faulted in anyway. With ego comes the fear of loss to ones possessions, pride. Ignorance then turn into greed（贪）, greed in possessing things for 'myself' protect my possession, fight for them. and when things do not go their way, it then turn into anger (嗔）.
I was once so greedy, so greedy for my own enjoyment, my own peace, anger for having to deal with these inconvenience, ignorant by thinking of thousand and one way to shun responsibilities. I left Dad unattended, slowly crumbling, before i can wake from my greed, anger and ignorance, he is gone. Cain told me, in hokkien, 有量才有福，I am very grateful to have heard this from him just before dad pass away, because these words though did not completely turn me over a new leaf due to ages of ignorance, greed and anger so thick that it is almost impossible to wipe off, did had an impact and I started to try to treat dad better, but in the end my laziness kicked in and that caused dad his life.
有量才有福 for all you out there, this is a great lesson to be learnt by all.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
再生与轮回
其实很多人并不知道，佛教不相信轮回。佛教不相信灵魂的存在。佛教相信的是再生， 而也没有什么灵魂可以被轮回。
如果没有灵魂去再生，那么再生是什么东西呢？这就是弥兰王请教那先比丘的问题了。
‘啊！大王！心灵与物质的结局是答案。’那先回答。
‘尊者啊！但是怎样？它是正如现在这一生一样，是心灵与物质的结合吗？’
‘啊！大王！不一样。但是现在心灵与物质的结合，因果性地健全和不健全的意志活动。经由这种业力，一个新的心灵与物质的结合体将要生出来。’
‘尊者啊！那么再生如没有经过任何东西可以实行吗？’
‘大王！请让我来解释：如果一个人以第一盏灯点著第二盏灯，在这个情形之下，第一盏灯会通过另外的一盏吗？’
‘尊者！不会！’
‘大王！也是一样，再生不需轮回也可以这样实行。’
取自地藏孝亲网：http://www.dizang.org/bk/qt/096.htm#a01
如果没有灵魂去再生，那么再生是什么东西呢？这就是弥兰王请教那先比丘的问题了。
‘啊！大王！心灵与物质的结局是答案。’那先回答。
‘尊者啊！但是怎样？它是正如现在这一生一样，是心灵与物质的结合吗？’
‘啊！大王！不一样。但是现在心灵与物质的结合，因果性地健全和不健全的意志活动。经由这种业力，一个新的心灵与物质的结合体将要生出来。’
‘尊者啊！那么再生如没有经过任何东西可以实行吗？’
‘大王！请让我来解释：如果一个人以第一盏灯点著第二盏灯，在这个情形之下，第一盏灯会通过另外的一盏吗？’
‘尊者！不会！’
‘大王！也是一样，再生不需轮回也可以这样实行。’
取自地藏孝亲网：http://www.dizang.org/bk/qt/096.htm#a01
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Lost Temper
I lost my temper on Yao day before yesterday. She wanted to play online games on my small laptop as i need to use the bigger one, but is frustrated that she cannot go online and started throwing tantrems.
I somehow lost my temper and said some mean things and told her to go to bed. Later that night, i checked on her and found that she is still awake, I told her that i am sorry, and said that i have to learn to be patient and so does she. As usual she just said 'uh-huh', her way of saying ok. She is a kind soul, and i intend for that to be so forever.
I somehow lost my temper and said some mean things and told her to go to bed. Later that night, i checked on her and found that she is still awake, I told her that i am sorry, and said that i have to learn to be patient and so does she. As usual she just said 'uh-huh', her way of saying ok. She is a kind soul, and i intend for that to be so forever.
Thoughts
While I was busy working, I suddenly thought about dad again. The way he walked, the way he sat at the void deck waiting for me to pick him up. These 2 days I started thinking about the way we treated dad.
I was aghasted and totally buffled by why we had treated him this way, I realised that it is the same reason why titanic sank. This statement might sound outrageously silly, but I realised that the eventual outcome, although most of it have to do with my selfishness and stone-heartedness, is a combination of various 'seeds', and causes, some short term, some over a prolong period of time that might even stretch for more then half a century. A series of unfortunate events that has led up to this final tragedy.
I was aghasted and totally buffled by why we had treated him this way, I realised that it is the same reason why titanic sank. This statement might sound outrageously silly, but I realised that the eventual outcome, although most of it have to do with my selfishness and stone-heartedness, is a combination of various 'seeds', and causes, some short term, some over a prolong period of time that might even stretch for more then half a century. A series of unfortunate events that has led up to this final tragedy.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Dream of dad part 10
I dream of dad today, i can't remember the exact dream, but out of it I was very sad, only thing i remembered was that dad was seated by my bed, i saw that his eyes are really failing him, and thought to myself "at least dad is alive, i'll take him to the doctor" . I thought about taking him to the doc a week before he passed, but got too lazy and did not do it, thinking that i have alot more time, and i was wrong.
Doven was crying when i awake from the dream, i made him some milk and when lying down again couldn't help that my tears started to flow, that woke amy. She was concerned and comforted me, she said she was very sad for me, i know i had been a bad son, i didn't realise that dad was a test of my compassion, now, no acheivements could comfort me.
Doven was crying when i awake from the dream, i made him some milk and when lying down again couldn't help that my tears started to flow, that woke amy. She was concerned and comforted me, she said she was very sad for me, i know i had been a bad son, i didn't realise that dad was a test of my compassion, now, no acheivements could comfort me.
Dream of dad part 9
i dreamt of dad again a few days ago, in the dream I touched dad's arm, concerned if he was ok or not, his expressions seem pretty serene. I cannot remember much but i know that i miss him.
dream of dad part 8
mom told me that she dreamt of dad on monday, in the dream, mom and yao came out of his car, then she recalled that she has forgotten her keys, mom then searched frantically for her phone and called dad, but the screen on the phone showed a beautiful scenery, it is a scenery of a snowy plan with forests and mountains. why is it that both mom and me dreamt of dad in a cold environment?
Dream of dad 7
i dreamt about dad again last saturday. in the dream he was sent to the mortuary, and i received a call from him, knowing that he was still alive. He told me he is very cold. I wanted to go get him but the dream came to an end when i woke up. Is it my guilty conscience that made me dream of that? it was a cold night, was it due to me feeling cold that i had this dream?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Seeds of Karma
While I was busy working, I suddenly thought about dad again. The way he walked, the way he sat at the void deck waiting for me to pick him up. These 2 days I started thinking about the way we treated dad.
I was aghasted and totally buffled by why we had treated him this way, I realised that it is the same reason why titanic sank. This statement might sound outrageously silly, but I realised that the eventual outcome, although most of it have to do with my selfishness and stone-heartedness, is a combination of various 'seeds', and causes, some short term, some over a prolong period of time that might even stretch for more then half a century that has erupted in this final tragedy.
All events, causes, effects, seeds, people, places, dharma, are interwind and related. when i was a teenager, i used to think that I am related to Lee Kuang Yew somehow eventually if you look closer at the linkages between individuals in the world (e.g. my cousin's cousin's uncle's wife's neighbour's dog's vet's in-law's in-laws is Lee Kuang Yew).
I believe that physical phenomenon reflects meta-physical reality. Cause and effects work in the physical world, so would it work in the non-physical world, it is a property of reality, therefore, the buddhist concept of Karma has to be the truth.
We didn't have to borrow the concept of inter-lifetime karma for my dad's case, intra-lifetime karmic explanations would be enough.
the lack of communication, plus the lack of compassion and tolerance led to my dad's tragedy. Its as simple as that. Its just that I'll have to pay up somehow, if i allow the seeds of my karma to bloom. I don't have any desire but for my dad to finally attain blissfulness through all the things i have done to honour his name.
I was aghasted and totally buffled by why we had treated him this way, I realised that it is the same reason why titanic sank. This statement might sound outrageously silly, but I realised that the eventual outcome, although most of it have to do with my selfishness and stone-heartedness, is a combination of various 'seeds', and causes, some short term, some over a prolong period of time that might even stretch for more then half a century that has erupted in this final tragedy.
All events, causes, effects, seeds, people, places, dharma, are interwind and related. when i was a teenager, i used to think that I am related to Lee Kuang Yew somehow eventually if you look closer at the linkages between individuals in the world (e.g. my cousin's cousin's uncle's wife's neighbour's dog's vet's in-law's in-laws is Lee Kuang Yew).
I believe that physical phenomenon reflects meta-physical reality. Cause and effects work in the physical world, so would it work in the non-physical world, it is a property of reality, therefore, the buddhist concept of Karma has to be the truth.
We didn't have to borrow the concept of inter-lifetime karma for my dad's case, intra-lifetime karmic explanations would be enough.
the lack of communication, plus the lack of compassion and tolerance led to my dad's tragedy. Its as simple as that. Its just that I'll have to pay up somehow, if i allow the seeds of my karma to bloom. I don't have any desire but for my dad to finally attain blissfulness through all the things i have done to honour his name.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Mom's hand
I brought my son to the doctor yesterday due to a flu, mom and Yao went with us as well. While waiting for our turn, i noticed that there are a lot of bruises and sores on her palm. When i asked her why, she told me that it was due to an allegic reaction to the powder in a new pair of rubber gloves she bought.
On closer examine then did I realised how wrinkled and old her hands look. I recalled that back when I was still staying in Tampines, a friend commented that my mom looked very old for her age. I was surprised at that time as I always thought she looked younger then her peers without realising that because I got too used to seeing her, I did not notice that she has aged.
I have taken my mom for granted for too long, I have been extremely cruel to my dad, I need to ensure that I do not make the same mistake twice. Actually this is all about attentiveness. If you care for a person, you will be attentive to every scratch and bruise she has.
The usual phrase that people would use is to cherish the ones you love, but my advise is the opposite: Cherish the ones who love you.
On closer examine then did I realised how wrinkled and old her hands look. I recalled that back when I was still staying in Tampines, a friend commented that my mom looked very old for her age. I was surprised at that time as I always thought she looked younger then her peers without realising that because I got too used to seeing her, I did not notice that she has aged.
I have taken my mom for granted for too long, I have been extremely cruel to my dad, I need to ensure that I do not make the same mistake twice. Actually this is all about attentiveness. If you care for a person, you will be attentive to every scratch and bruise she has.
The usual phrase that people would use is to cherish the ones you love, but my advise is the opposite: Cherish the ones who love you.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Dream of dad part 6
I had a dream of dad yesterday night, it was a brief moment, in the dream i was having a dream of dad walking up a sloped stairs, the type they have for the disabled. He told me that he is running out of cash, those were the only words i heard. i woke up (but still in my dream) and went ahead to buy some incense papers to burn as offerings, i was crying when i brought the papers to the incense bin to burn, that was when i saw 2nd uncle, i only have remorse but he didn't say a word.
I told Cain, my good friend who happens to be a metaphysics consultant, about the dream, he asked me a few questions around the circumstances around the dream, I told him not sure if it is related to some discussion about incense burning i saw on incredible tales on saturday and also my feeling of letting down sis that might have caused this dream. He suspected the same, but also told me that as the buddhist Ullambana is around the corner, this might be a calling from dad to perform charity work and also to perform deliverance rites for him.
Dad, i just can't say how much i have regretted all my actions, my inactions, my indifference. dad...
I told Cain, my good friend who happens to be a metaphysics consultant, about the dream, he asked me a few questions around the circumstances around the dream, I told him not sure if it is related to some discussion about incense burning i saw on incredible tales on saturday and also my feeling of letting down sis that might have caused this dream. He suspected the same, but also told me that as the buddhist Ullambana is around the corner, this might be a calling from dad to perform charity work and also to perform deliverance rites for him.
Dad, i just can't say how much i have regretted all my actions, my inactions, my indifference. dad...
妹的烦恼
最近，又有烦恼。妹有事相求，我婉转的回绝了。当我知道她向妈求助时，开始时有点埋怨，觉得不应该烦妈，可是，想想，觉得她非到必不得已，不会向妈开口，虽然妈已经答应了妹，也无怨言的想帮她，可我还是决定自己尽力帮忙，一来免得妈日后万一有事而担心，又能设法帮妹。
可是我提出的方案，并不是妹的理想解决方案。我的方案，是以最少负担的方式，来解决问题，当然就不是最完美为出发点，而是以最保险的方式来帮她。出发点是牺牲了奢侈，却达到基本需要，为的是不想增添妹的潜在负担和危险。
最后，妹婉绝了我的方案，而说她会找朋友帮忙，在交谈的时候，我提起了当年妈为了帮妹而引来了烦恼，其实我提这件事不是要责怪妹，而是以此为例子，说明有些事并不在我们的控制范围内，特别是妹的负担重，不希望再增加任何枝节。可是当时我并没有说清。由于妹夫也在，还有很多缘由不方便说出来。临别时我和妹说，我晚点打给她，可是忙完孩子，打去时，她电话挂了起来。
能看得出妹很失望，眼里泛着泪，我有点不知所措，心想打给她后能解释清楚，可是她却一直没接我的电话，猜想是不是不想接呢？
想要以最保险的方法帮妹，不能说没有私心，我是顾虑到amy又得担心了，来我们家后，她许多次都为了我们的家事而担心，因为她理财理的头头是道，如果有什么事，她都得帮我想办法解决，我欠她的也很多。
最终，还是觉得把事搞得谁都不开心，妹以后还理我吗还是个问题，我不想重蹈对爸的覆辙，因为我就是太注重自己的享受而把爸推向万劫不复的深渊，如果没有妹一直的支持，我犯的错可能更多。我怕我又做错事了，很想完全答应妹又怕让amy 愁，不尽力帮妹，妈知道了又会不开心，妹也会失望。该何为？
烦恼即菩提，这是在考验我能证得菩提吗?
可是我提出的方案，并不是妹的理想解决方案。我的方案，是以最少负担的方式，来解决问题，当然就不是最完美为出发点，而是以最保险的方式来帮她。出发点是牺牲了奢侈，却达到基本需要，为的是不想增添妹的潜在负担和危险。
最后，妹婉绝了我的方案，而说她会找朋友帮忙，在交谈的时候，我提起了当年妈为了帮妹而引来了烦恼，其实我提这件事不是要责怪妹，而是以此为例子，说明有些事并不在我们的控制范围内，特别是妹的负担重，不希望再增加任何枝节。可是当时我并没有说清。由于妹夫也在，还有很多缘由不方便说出来。临别时我和妹说，我晚点打给她，可是忙完孩子，打去时，她电话挂了起来。
能看得出妹很失望，眼里泛着泪，我有点不知所措，心想打给她后能解释清楚，可是她却一直没接我的电话，猜想是不是不想接呢？
想要以最保险的方法帮妹，不能说没有私心，我是顾虑到amy又得担心了，来我们家后，她许多次都为了我们的家事而担心，因为她理财理的头头是道，如果有什么事，她都得帮我想办法解决，我欠她的也很多。
最终，还是觉得把事搞得谁都不开心，妹以后还理我吗还是个问题，我不想重蹈对爸的覆辙，因为我就是太注重自己的享受而把爸推向万劫不复的深渊，如果没有妹一直的支持，我犯的错可能更多。我怕我又做错事了，很想完全答应妹又怕让amy 愁，不尽力帮妹，妈知道了又会不开心，妹也会失望。该何为？
烦恼即菩提，这是在考验我能证得菩提吗?
Friday, July 23, 2010
Buddhist mosquito
When i was reading this buddhism book called 正信的佛教 yesterday night, i saw a mosquito buzzing around me, i ignored it and very interestingly i did not get bitten at all, perhaps its a buddhist mosquito as well, its amazing as i will normally get bitten with at least a few bumps in the past if i fail to kill the mosquitoes in the house.
I don't believe i can reach the level of the Japanese gentleman whom i have mentioned about in the past who became a devoted buddhist after he survived the 2nd world war and refused to kill even a mosquito. I have a family to protect and if i don't kill it, my mum will do it, didn't want that to happen. Anyway we started burning mosquito coils at night (last night excluded) nowadays as there are way too much mosquitoes at our place, the coils are pretty effective, didn't have to kill too many these days.
I don't believe i can reach the level of the Japanese gentleman whom i have mentioned about in the past who became a devoted buddhist after he survived the 2nd world war and refused to kill even a mosquito. I have a family to protect and if i don't kill it, my mum will do it, didn't want that to happen. Anyway we started burning mosquito coils at night (last night excluded) nowadays as there are way too much mosquitoes at our place, the coils are pretty effective, didn't have to kill too many these days.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
百年虚云
this is a very good series, 20 episodes in all, i got the dvds from the singapore amitabha society . It was said that after the southern Song Dynasty, there no longer is any real buddhist monks and nuns in China as buddhism lost its soul and valour in china due to presecution and many other reasons.
Venerable Xu Yun has however changed this, along with a few other great monks in the late Qing dynasty, buddhism saw a revival in the early part of the last century. The chinese, however has lagged behind the japanese in terms of buddhism research, due to years of turmoil, and ignorance.
That is slowly changing but with the onslaught of communism china, it came as a further blow to chinese buddhism. Tibetan buddhism gain grounds all over the world much faster than the chinese mahayana tradition and is ironically due to Dalai Lama's exile from tibet, resulting in the establishment of tibetan buddhism in the western world through asylum seekers from tibet.
It is interesting that Buddhism flourished in India, before the downfall later with the invasion of the muslims and the revival of hinduism, then flourished in china, before the downfall in the last 800 years, I believe the next bloom for buddhism would be in the west, buddhism is a religion of reason, of peace and of the truth of reality.
Venerable Xu Yun has however changed this, along with a few other great monks in the late Qing dynasty, buddhism saw a revival in the early part of the last century. The chinese, however has lagged behind the japanese in terms of buddhism research, due to years of turmoil, and ignorance.
That is slowly changing but with the onslaught of communism china, it came as a further blow to chinese buddhism. Tibetan buddhism gain grounds all over the world much faster than the chinese mahayana tradition and is ironically due to Dalai Lama's exile from tibet, resulting in the establishment of tibetan buddhism in the western world through asylum seekers from tibet.
It is interesting that Buddhism flourished in India, before the downfall later with the invasion of the muslims and the revival of hinduism, then flourished in china, before the downfall in the last 800 years, I believe the next bloom for buddhism would be in the west, buddhism is a religion of reason, of peace and of the truth of reality.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Family day
We had a family day yesterday bringing my family to the zoo. Yao and Doven were both more excited about the wet children playground then the zoo animals.
I recalled my last 'family day' with dad was the 2nd day he moved to his new place. actually it was a sunday and before i met him, i brought mom and the kids to the bottletree park for an afternoon of fun. It did not cross my mind to bring dad as well, I am so used to leading my life without him.
When i reached his place to fetch him for dinner, he sat at the roadside beside the carpark entrance, and i grumbled to myself why did he sit there by the roadside on the floor, never cross my mind to notice any anormalies.
I drove them all to the hong kong restaurant (茶餐厅）he ordered a pork chop rice - this could be the best meal he had before he passed away, when his food was here he smiled and asked me what was it, as his eyes are really failing him he can't see well anymore, but happily ate his meal.
When i was at the zoo, i noticed this bedridden old lady was with her family, she looks like she is in a coma, with a feeding tube through the nose, I can't compare to them, the fact that they even bother to bring someone who is already in such a capacity out during the family outing means a lot in my opinion. What would it be like if i brought dad along with us to the zoo? would he want to come with us?
Dad used to bring us to the zoo, especially during those drawing contests. There was a photo of him with a broad smile, holding on to my 5 year old sis on a pony ride. My grandma was in the photos as well, he is a filial son i can tell, although he does not know how to express himself he uses his actions.
Dad is with us all the time, i carry along a pic of him in my wallet, this is the only way i can ensure his presence from here on.
I recalled my last 'family day' with dad was the 2nd day he moved to his new place. actually it was a sunday and before i met him, i brought mom and the kids to the bottletree park for an afternoon of fun. It did not cross my mind to bring dad as well, I am so used to leading my life without him.
When i reached his place to fetch him for dinner, he sat at the roadside beside the carpark entrance, and i grumbled to myself why did he sit there by the roadside on the floor, never cross my mind to notice any anormalies.
I drove them all to the hong kong restaurant (茶餐厅）he ordered a pork chop rice - this could be the best meal he had before he passed away, when his food was here he smiled and asked me what was it, as his eyes are really failing him he can't see well anymore, but happily ate his meal.
When i was at the zoo, i noticed this bedridden old lady was with her family, she looks like she is in a coma, with a feeding tube through the nose, I can't compare to them, the fact that they even bother to bring someone who is already in such a capacity out during the family outing means a lot in my opinion. What would it be like if i brought dad along with us to the zoo? would he want to come with us?
Dad used to bring us to the zoo, especially during those drawing contests. There was a photo of him with a broad smile, holding on to my 5 year old sis on a pony ride. My grandma was in the photos as well, he is a filial son i can tell, although he does not know how to express himself he uses his actions.
Dad is with us all the time, i carry along a pic of him in my wallet, this is the only way i can ensure his presence from here on.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Lost innocence
Looking at the pic of myself when i was still a small boy, I see so much innocence, anybody, no matter how old or hedious they may look now, or how much wrongdoings (tempted to use the word sin, but there is no such thing as a 'sin' in buddhism) they might have done in their lives, they started off at the same spot, with the same pure and true heart, untainted by the lust, greed, delusions that this world has to offer.
This is analogous to what buddha has said about why we lost our true nature in the Surangama Sutra (愣严经）。 :
"Ananda, the first is the basic root of birth and death caused, since the time without beginning, by the wrong use of a clinging mind which people mistake for their own nature, and the second is their attachment to casual conditions (which taints) the basically bright essence of conciousness which is the fundamentally pure and clean substance of nirvanic enlightenment."
Babies are little buddhas, started off unpolluted, but inevitably falling deeper and deeper into the evil world of 5 pollutants (五浊恶世）. It takes tremendous courage, self discipline and faith to get one into change all this. being too deep in the mud, we tend to give ourselves excuses and justifications to make us feel better. Awakening might take eons, this is the lifetime to start.
This is analogous to what buddha has said about why we lost our true nature in the Surangama Sutra (愣严经）。 :
"Ananda, the first is the basic root of birth and death caused, since the time without beginning, by the wrong use of a clinging mind which people mistake for their own nature, and the second is their attachment to casual conditions (which taints) the basically bright essence of conciousness which is the fundamentally pure and clean substance of nirvanic enlightenment."
Babies are little buddhas, started off unpolluted, but inevitably falling deeper and deeper into the evil world of 5 pollutants (五浊恶世）. It takes tremendous courage, self discipline and faith to get one into change all this. being too deep in the mud, we tend to give ourselves excuses and justifications to make us feel better. Awakening might take eons, this is the lifetime to start.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Faded memories
I took out the 3 large bags of photo albums that we managed to savage after a poorly coordinated move where my cousin who is a mover, threw almost everything we had in the storeroom causing my mom to be very upset (that is another story).
I casually picked up several of the older albums from the pack and went through them, I came across a family potrait, with my grandma in the middle, back then, dad is a handsome chap, standing with his chest up and proud, perhaps proud that he has made his mark, that he was able to take his mother to the studio for a photo shot. He had his rough time with grandpa and grandma, but being the favourite son of them both, his desire to repay is admirable.
I casually picked up several of the older albums from the pack and went through them, I came across a family potrait, with my grandma in the middle, back then, dad is a handsome chap, standing with his chest up and proud, perhaps proud that he has made his mark, that he was able to take his mother to the studio for a photo shot. He had his rough time with grandpa and grandma, but being the favourite son of them both, his desire to repay is admirable.
I then saw a potrait of me in the middle, not more then 3 years old, with dad to the left and mom to the right, he was smartly dressed in long trousers, short sleeve shirt with a yellow tie. How could anyone had imagine a 3 year old toddler would one day grow into a monster, with so much evil?
Through the photos, i noticed that most of them were pics of me and sis, or two of us with mom, only occassionally do I come across him being in the picture. his love for us must be so much that he wanted to capture all the joyous moments he had with us. I still have vivid memories of many of these photos. We stopped taking photos especially these few years when he was sick.
We used to be such a happy family - not wealthy, but generally happy. where has that went? This is a great example of the impermanence of life, especially of happiness. Detachment is the only cure. Detachment doesn't mean keeping a distance from your love ones, but means you need to cherish those you love, cherish the good life you have, but understand that everything will one day be gone and letting go when the time comes.
I stopped having dreams about dad ever since the 49th day. does that mean that he is now well into his next journey or life, perhaps in the western paradise?
Monday, July 5, 2010
Lack of compassion
Yesterday, while waiting for the taxi at yishun MRT, we saw a malay grandma with a stroller, and the mom with a baby waited behind us in the queue. when i see the taxi arriving, i board the cab without any thoughts to let them go first.
Well, it goes to show that compassion is not inheritent in me, mental note made to improve.
Well, it goes to show that compassion is not inheritent in me, mental note made to improve.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
About the buddhist diet
Throughout history, there has been a lot of debates around whether buddhists should be vegetarians. Afterall, first of the 5 precepts is - Refrain from killing.
It is interesting to find so many diffierent views, early buddhist monks sustain their lives on receiving alms because it is considered as good karma for the layperson or family for providing food for people pursuing the enlightenment path (or Tao in Chinese). Moreover, farming to provide for themselves will mean that insects and little animals could be harmed or killed in the process.
Ancient India is a predominantly non-vegan society, buddhists are not allow to choose which household or food to take to avoid attachment, and it would be considered as a horrible thing to refuse any food given (apart from certain types of meat). However, buddha instructed that if the monk/nunhood See, Hear or Know that a living animal was killed specifically for them to eat, they must refuse it. In other words they are only to consume leftovers as this causes the least harm to living things.
As buddhism progress, monastaries are established and more and more monks do not take alms anymore but are dependent on donations from buddhists. It is really difficult to justify that meat donated by devotees do not violate the 'See, Hear, Know' rule, thus Mahayana monks, in particularly chinese monks are strict vegetarians.
Two things i believe are important here is to reduce attachment, and also to show compassion. Being a vegetarian might be the eventual path that a buddhist will end up both to remove one's attachment to meat eating as well as avoiding the direct killing of an animal for food.
Layperson do have a choice not to eat meat, thus they should strive to do it - but not to please buddha or to get merits, rather it is to cultivate one's compassion and also dettachment from the pleasure of food.
An author i came across on the internet gave a good analogy about the real reason why we want to be vegetarian, he said:
"We follow the precepts not because it is sinful not to, you follow them the same way you follow a weight program if you are a body builder: because it has been proven to be the most effective way to achieve the goal."
Same reason why one want to become vegetarian because while being vegetarian is not found in any of the buddha's precepts, it is seen as an effective way to achieve the precepts and the precepts are in turn effective programs to help one achieve the goals. its like wearing running shoes instead of slippers when going on the treadmill.
We have to be extra careful as well as being a strict vegetarian can result in obsession and thus attachment as well - bad for enlightenment. however if you ask me, I'll rather be an obsessed vegetarian then an obsessed meat eater - at least the animals would benefit!!
(I am an omnivore and am attempting to cut down on meat consumption although it has been my favourite food for 36 years).
It is interesting to find so many diffierent views, early buddhist monks sustain their lives on receiving alms because it is considered as good karma for the layperson or family for providing food for people pursuing the enlightenment path (or Tao in Chinese). Moreover, farming to provide for themselves will mean that insects and little animals could be harmed or killed in the process.
Ancient India is a predominantly non-vegan society, buddhists are not allow to choose which household or food to take to avoid attachment, and it would be considered as a horrible thing to refuse any food given (apart from certain types of meat). However, buddha instructed that if the monk/nunhood See, Hear or Know that a living animal was killed specifically for them to eat, they must refuse it. In other words they are only to consume leftovers as this causes the least harm to living things.
As buddhism progress, monastaries are established and more and more monks do not take alms anymore but are dependent on donations from buddhists. It is really difficult to justify that meat donated by devotees do not violate the 'See, Hear, Know' rule, thus Mahayana monks, in particularly chinese monks are strict vegetarians.
Two things i believe are important here is to reduce attachment, and also to show compassion. Being a vegetarian might be the eventual path that a buddhist will end up both to remove one's attachment to meat eating as well as avoiding the direct killing of an animal for food.
Layperson do have a choice not to eat meat, thus they should strive to do it - but not to please buddha or to get merits, rather it is to cultivate one's compassion and also dettachment from the pleasure of food.
An author i came across on the internet gave a good analogy about the real reason why we want to be vegetarian, he said:
"We follow the precepts not because it is sinful not to, you follow them the same way you follow a weight program if you are a body builder: because it has been proven to be the most effective way to achieve the goal."
Same reason why one want to become vegetarian because while being vegetarian is not found in any of the buddha's precepts, it is seen as an effective way to achieve the precepts and the precepts are in turn effective programs to help one achieve the goals. its like wearing running shoes instead of slippers when going on the treadmill.
We have to be extra careful as well as being a strict vegetarian can result in obsession and thus attachment as well - bad for enlightenment. however if you ask me, I'll rather be an obsessed vegetarian then an obsessed meat eater - at least the animals would benefit!!
(I am an omnivore and am attempting to cut down on meat consumption although it has been my favourite food for 36 years).
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Rain of Compassion （慈悲雨）
昨天是父亲的七七四十九日忌日，有两场法会得参加 （都是诵地藏菩萨本愿经）。一场8：30在光明山，一场在居士林。妹妹前天晚上到我家过夜，以便去光明山的法会，可是临时得回家，因为侄儿发烧。不过她还是赶上了光明山的法会。
Amy昨天早上也同我们一起去，虽然她并没有请假，可是她却牢记昨天是老爸七七忌日，同时老妹对老爸的忌日的重视都让我非常感激，也感动，希望父亲在天之灵能有所安慰。
我发现每次到居士林给父亲诵经，都会下雨，头四次都是我一个人参加，发现每当法会结束，离开时，或有太阳或无太阳都会下细雨，昨天居士林法会和往常不同，在下午1pm-3pm 这次下了倾盆大雨， 我得等雨停才能离开。
这难道是怜悯我父亲所受的苦而下的慈悲雨？或者是菩萨给我的启示，表示回向给父亲的经，他都能受益？我经常梦到父亲欢喜在吃东西的样子，难道是观世音菩萨让我知道父亲一切都好？
晚上我们到父亲的家，在他去世的房间里设了一个简单的坛，我诵了妙法莲华经里整篇方便品，寿量品 (因为创价协会诵的只是这两品的摘要）和观世音菩萨普门品。由于不熟悉，加上某些字不会读，所以很慢，可是诵完后发现竟然受益无穷，对佛法又有深一层的认识。只能说是观世音菩萨及父亲的慈悲。
再诵心经，做回向后，已经10：30送妹回家时，天空又下起绵绵细雨，仿佛在告诉我们，父亲的欢喜，南无妙法莲华经，便是赞叹此经，以此经为基础修佛。父亲丧礼上诵的是妙法莲华经，七七我只想以此经中之王最重要的章品，给父亲送最后一程，往生极乐时能莲品增上。
Amy昨天早上也同我们一起去，虽然她并没有请假，可是她却牢记昨天是老爸七七忌日，同时老妹对老爸的忌日的重视都让我非常感激，也感动，希望父亲在天之灵能有所安慰。
我发现每次到居士林给父亲诵经，都会下雨，头四次都是我一个人参加，发现每当法会结束，离开时，或有太阳或无太阳都会下细雨，昨天居士林法会和往常不同，在下午1pm-3pm 这次下了倾盆大雨， 我得等雨停才能离开。
这难道是怜悯我父亲所受的苦而下的慈悲雨？或者是菩萨给我的启示，表示回向给父亲的经，他都能受益？我经常梦到父亲欢喜在吃东西的样子，难道是观世音菩萨让我知道父亲一切都好？
晚上我们到父亲的家，在他去世的房间里设了一个简单的坛，我诵了妙法莲华经里整篇方便品，寿量品 (因为创价协会诵的只是这两品的摘要）和观世音菩萨普门品。由于不熟悉，加上某些字不会读，所以很慢，可是诵完后发现竟然受益无穷，对佛法又有深一层的认识。只能说是观世音菩萨及父亲的慈悲。
再诵心经，做回向后，已经10：30送妹回家时，天空又下起绵绵细雨，仿佛在告诉我们，父亲的欢喜，南无妙法莲华经，便是赞叹此经，以此经为基础修佛。父亲丧礼上诵的是妙法莲华经，七七我只想以此经中之王最重要的章品，给父亲送最后一程，往生极乐时能莲品增上。
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
daughter's compassion
On sunday, I brought the family to Sakura buffet restaurant located in the admiralty park for dinner. My daughter told me she want to be a vegetarian for that night and whenever we go to a food counter she would ask me if that contains any meat. in the end she ate broccoli and bencurds.
Later on the night i asked her if she wants any sharks fin soup absentmindedly, as i know she likes this type of thick soup. She asked me if it contains any shark's fin, I was struck by awe the details she paid attention to and went on to check with the waitress, but i noticed that it contains only synthetic sharks fin made from vermicelli but she still declined.
My daughter is a gentle and kind girl. I noticed that many times when dealing with insects she would try not to hurt them, although she is afraid of them, she would put them in a container or get her grandma to do it, sometimes she would even give it names.
She shows a keen interest in buddhism and even corrected me on some buddhism facts about the Buddha's mother. she would sit with grandma to recite the amitabha buddha's name or sing the heart sutra quietly. She is my pride, and she is her grandpa's pride as well.
My son on the other hand shows a typical boy's curiosity. When he sees a bug, he will step on it, at 1 year old he is probably too young to know what he is doing. But whenever he sees me reciting the sutra in front of our ancestral altar, he will put his hands together and bow so deep his head touch the ground. he is a funny little lad, hopefully i will be a good example for him, hopefully i would be able to show him the correct way.
Later on the night i asked her if she wants any sharks fin soup absentmindedly, as i know she likes this type of thick soup. She asked me if it contains any shark's fin, I was struck by awe the details she paid attention to and went on to check with the waitress, but i noticed that it contains only synthetic sharks fin made from vermicelli but she still declined.
My daughter is a gentle and kind girl. I noticed that many times when dealing with insects she would try not to hurt them, although she is afraid of them, she would put them in a container or get her grandma to do it, sometimes she would even give it names.
She shows a keen interest in buddhism and even corrected me on some buddhism facts about the Buddha's mother. she would sit with grandma to recite the amitabha buddha's name or sing the heart sutra quietly. She is my pride, and she is her grandpa's pride as well.
My son on the other hand shows a typical boy's curiosity. When he sees a bug, he will step on it, at 1 year old he is probably too young to know what he is doing. But whenever he sees me reciting the sutra in front of our ancestral altar, he will put his hands together and bow so deep his head touch the ground. he is a funny little lad, hopefully i will be a good example for him, hopefully i would be able to show him the correct way.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
6th 7 day
yesteday was the 6th seven day of my dad's passing. I recited the Ksitigarbha Sutra (地藏菩萨本愿经) it took almost 2 hours to complete but this time round it was quicker.
It was first translated from the Sanskrit into Chinese in the 7th century A.D. Tang Dynasty by the Tripitaka master Siktananda , a Buddhist monk from Khotan.
There are controversies around if this sutra was genuinely taught by the buddha. Some historians believe that this sutra was created by the chinese during the five dynasties and ten kingdom period. Nonetheless i believe in the power of this sutra, the fact that it is one of the most popular sutra in chinese buddhism proves its power.
It was first translated from the Sanskrit into Chinese in the 7th century A.D. Tang Dynasty by the Tripitaka master Siktananda , a Buddhist monk from Khotan.
There are controversies around if this sutra was genuinely taught by the buddha. Some historians believe that this sutra was created by the chinese during the five dynasties and ten kingdom period. Nonetheless i believe in the power of this sutra, the fact that it is one of the most popular sutra in chinese buddhism proves its power.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sis regrets
My sis keep asking why she has not had any dreams of dad, and that dad might not want to see her. I don't see it this way, the reason i kept dreaming about him is probably because i have so much regrets for him, my remorse is much more intense preciesly because i did not do much for him, her insistent on putting dad up at her place regardless of any objections means she has already done all that she can for dad, and she should have no regrets at all.
Dream of Dad 5
I had a dream of dad again yesterday night. Before i slept I followed the instructions from a buddhist forum to chant the heart sutra 3 times before chanting the mantra behind the sutra for 21 times. This the post suggests will have immeasurable power.
the mantra goes:
Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate bodhi svaha
As instructed I chanted the sutra 3 times and started the mantra, but because i was too sleepy, i probably lost count at 15 and fell asleep.
Can't remember how my dream of dad started, but it took place in the day, and some room, and myself and my family seem to be around him. Again in the dream, he has passed away and we were preparing to set up the ancestral tablet in my house, with him lying on the floor. I went to check on him and found that he has not yet passed away but was closed to dying. he then sat up but knowing that death was imminent I started chanting amitabha in chinese to him, he seems very happy and he chanted along.
In the dream he was quiet up till that moment, and it seems that after chanting amitabha he started opening up, crackling, and seem to be in a high spirit talking. Once again i wrapped my arms around him, something i had never done when he was alive.
the mantra goes:
Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate bodhi svaha
As instructed I chanted the sutra 3 times and started the mantra, but because i was too sleepy, i probably lost count at 15 and fell asleep.
Can't remember how my dream of dad started, but it took place in the day, and some room, and myself and my family seem to be around him. Again in the dream, he has passed away and we were preparing to set up the ancestral tablet in my house, with him lying on the floor. I went to check on him and found that he has not yet passed away but was closed to dying. he then sat up but knowing that death was imminent I started chanting amitabha in chinese to him, he seems very happy and he chanted along.
In the dream he was quiet up till that moment, and it seems that after chanting amitabha he started opening up, crackling, and seem to be in a high spirit talking. Once again i wrapped my arms around him, something i had never done when he was alive.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Dad, where are you?
Not a single day has passed without me thinking about dad, I can't tell how much i miss his voice, his face, his smell, his touch. The sickness has tortured what once was a stoutand fit man into just skin and bones.
Where are you dad, i could not but ponder, i thought i have a lot more time with you. I thought there are many more years, and that you can make it, failing to see how desperately ill you are, ignoring all the signs. I still can't believe that you are gone, you were so much part of my life, i only realised this when i saw you, peacefully lying on the floor, seemingly in such a deep sleep.
i'm so full of regrets, soo much i could have done, so little that i did. On the streets in singapore or hongkong, i see people holding on to their elders, and these elders are more mobile and agile then you. What did i do when i walk with you? i walk far ahead, occassionally stopping to wait for you, while grumbling why you walked so slowly.
there is no longer any chance for me to prove my worthiness, i am no different from the nazis only thing i did worst is that i did all the atrocities to my dad. have you been bad to me when i was young? you were no drunkard who comes home and vent his anger on his wife and kids, you were no violent dad, you were gentle, quiet, singing hakka songs to sis and me to coo us to sleep, i can still remember the first few words of those songs "Ku, Ku kai..."
you tried your best to provide for us, bringing us to buffets every sunday, i can still remember those food hunts to various hotels, have i did the same for you?No!!
where are you dad, i know you are at a better place, but would i even be certain to know where?
Where are you dad, i could not but ponder, i thought i have a lot more time with you. I thought there are many more years, and that you can make it, failing to see how desperately ill you are, ignoring all the signs. I still can't believe that you are gone, you were so much part of my life, i only realised this when i saw you, peacefully lying on the floor, seemingly in such a deep sleep.
i'm so full of regrets, soo much i could have done, so little that i did. On the streets in singapore or hongkong, i see people holding on to their elders, and these elders are more mobile and agile then you. What did i do when i walk with you? i walk far ahead, occassionally stopping to wait for you, while grumbling why you walked so slowly.
there is no longer any chance for me to prove my worthiness, i am no different from the nazis only thing i did worst is that i did all the atrocities to my dad. have you been bad to me when i was young? you were no drunkard who comes home and vent his anger on his wife and kids, you were no violent dad, you were gentle, quiet, singing hakka songs to sis and me to coo us to sleep, i can still remember the first few words of those songs "Ku, Ku kai..."
you tried your best to provide for us, bringing us to buffets every sunday, i can still remember those food hunts to various hotels, have i did the same for you?No!!
where are you dad, i know you are at a better place, but would i even be certain to know where?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
地藏菩萨本愿经
昨天是父亲五七忌日，身在香港的我无法出席他的五七超度会，从公司活动回来已经11点，打电话回家后，便沐浴更衣，坐在镜子前，把爸的照片拿出来，同时打开电脑把地藏菩萨的画像显现，开始诵经。
整部经很长，我花了2个多钟头，其间休息了几次，还差点打瞌睡，才诵完整部经。完时已经2点多了。有人说诵这部经时会有一些灵异事件，因为此经对鬼神作用挺大的。它是一部超度亡魂的经典，也是佛教里的孝经。在诵经时除了一些小声音，和眼角时不时出现影子之外我也没看到，听到什么。入眠后虽然有梦，却也不是噩梦。
只是希望父亲在天之灵能信受此经，皈依三宝，地藏菩萨，就心满意足了。
整部经很长，我花了2个多钟头，其间休息了几次，还差点打瞌睡，才诵完整部经。完时已经2点多了。有人说诵这部经时会有一些灵异事件，因为此经对鬼神作用挺大的。它是一部超度亡魂的经典，也是佛教里的孝经。在诵经时除了一些小声音，和眼角时不时出现影子之外我也没看到，听到什么。入眠后虽然有梦，却也不是噩梦。
只是希望父亲在天之灵能信受此经，皈依三宝，地藏菩萨，就心满意足了。
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Support from cousin
I am very grateful for all the support that came from my maternal extended family, right from the first instance of the news of my dad's passing. My aunt, uncles and cousins came to my mom's support immediately, giving her much needed comfort while my sis and me went to the mortuary.
They came everyday to the wake and helped us on the preparations, reminding and guiding us on what needs to be done, volunteering to hang the banners, helped us set up tables and chairs to receive the clients, stayed through the day and nights with us and mom.
My cousin sister kept checking on us and mom even after the wake, when my sis expressed pessimism on her facebook she encouraged and supported her, called me and let me know what happened. Her father, who is my first uncle, showed us the ropes on the deliverence services, hooked us up on contacts for the paper house which i burnt for dad, even came to make sure that things are ok, ignoring his work.
it is through all their great help that i saw what a family is about, i cherish their warmth, I have always knew that my mom's family is a warm and closely knitted family, i cannot express the gratitude that i felt towards all of them, i am proud to be part of the family, while we do not share the same surname i felt that we really do share the same genes.
my paternal family is a more subtle one. fifth uncle was very helpful, in the first instance he came to us and gave us invaluable advise. They have been very patient, even though they were fully aware of how we treated dad, 2nd uncle was very unhappy, i understand, i cannot face him, let alone dad. i still remember a year back when our 6th uncle is back in s'pore for his wedding, he told me to take good care of dad, i smiled, wrapped my arm around dad and said yes i would - how much of it is sincere you can tell by how dad has been treated, he must be equally disappointed as well. dad's family supported us in different way, they might look cold, but i can tell they can be as warm, its my paternal genes that makes my dad and uncles composed in their behaviours. I expect that my paternal relatives are going to ignore us after realising what we have done, they are utterly disappointed, nonetheless, i am still full of respect for all my paternal uncles and aunts, they are good people.
They came everyday to the wake and helped us on the preparations, reminding and guiding us on what needs to be done, volunteering to hang the banners, helped us set up tables and chairs to receive the clients, stayed through the day and nights with us and mom.
My cousin sister kept checking on us and mom even after the wake, when my sis expressed pessimism on her facebook she encouraged and supported her, called me and let me know what happened. Her father, who is my first uncle, showed us the ropes on the deliverence services, hooked us up on contacts for the paper house which i burnt for dad, even came to make sure that things are ok, ignoring his work.
it is through all their great help that i saw what a family is about, i cherish their warmth, I have always knew that my mom's family is a warm and closely knitted family, i cannot express the gratitude that i felt towards all of them, i am proud to be part of the family, while we do not share the same surname i felt that we really do share the same genes.
my paternal family is a more subtle one. fifth uncle was very helpful, in the first instance he came to us and gave us invaluable advise. They have been very patient, even though they were fully aware of how we treated dad, 2nd uncle was very unhappy, i understand, i cannot face him, let alone dad. i still remember a year back when our 6th uncle is back in s'pore for his wedding, he told me to take good care of dad, i smiled, wrapped my arm around dad and said yes i would - how much of it is sincere you can tell by how dad has been treated, he must be equally disappointed as well. dad's family supported us in different way, they might look cold, but i can tell they can be as warm, its my paternal genes that makes my dad and uncles composed in their behaviours. I expect that my paternal relatives are going to ignore us after realising what we have done, they are utterly disappointed, nonetheless, i am still full of respect for all my paternal uncles and aunts, they are good people.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Dream of dad 4
I dreamt about dad again yesterday night, the setting was in a flat similar to the potong pasir flat that we stayed in, only thing is that it seems empty with a soft orangy glow filling the whole flat, similar to the evening sun and dad was at a corner back facing me, I saw that he was seating on the floor eating something, I can't remember what i asked but i wrapped my arm around him when i asked him, he felt so real, he turned around and with his usual chuckle answered me, but it was an answer that does not pertain to my question.
In the dream he was full of smiles, he seemed happy , how i wish that is a confirmation that he is really happy now, may all happiness fill his soul.
In the dream he was full of smiles, he seemed happy , how i wish that is a confirmation that he is really happy now, may all happiness fill his soul.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Is it you daddy?
I've been seeing this big butterfly during my NDP training since last Wednesday. It always fly around me but never near...I keep having this thought,is it my father? Could it be him? If it's him why doesn't he come nearer to me? I wonder why I have never dream of my father? Is it because I've disappointed and hurt him too much?
I really want to see you pa,I know it's too late to tell you how sorry I am behaving the way I did. Whenever I think about you my heart aches, tears start to flow uncontrollably. I will never forgive myself for the bad treatment I gave you, I was too selfish.
I really want to see you pa,I know it's too late to tell you how sorry I am behaving the way I did. Whenever I think about you my heart aches, tears start to flow uncontrollably. I will never forgive myself for the bad treatment I gave you, I was too selfish.
HK Central
Seated on the 28th floor in the AIA central building in HK central, I have a perfect view of Kowloon. To my left is the tallest building in HK, the IFC (international financial centre). I have a perfect view of the victoria harbour, its an overcasting day and the entire HK looks extremely gloomy. I worked as an Associate director previously for an investment bank and now i am an Assistant vice president for a private bank.
I used to think that i am where i am because of my own hardwork. Sure, dad and mom did sold their flat to send me overseas for my degree, but i have been providing for them through my monthly contributions. this has a scientific chinese term called 忘恩负义which literally means forgetting the benefactor and abandoning righteousness. Without the initial investment from mom and dad, i could still be owing a financial institution monthly installments and intersts to pay, mom and dad did not ask me for any interests, did not even urge me to pay anything.
In his last days, dad did not even raise this to me even though he must have been utterly disappointed with me. Why does he have to be so good to me? why can't he protect himself from monsters like me?
I used to think that i am where i am because of my own hardwork. Sure, dad and mom did sold their flat to send me overseas for my degree, but i have been providing for them through my monthly contributions. this has a scientific chinese term called 忘恩负义which literally means forgetting the benefactor and abandoning righteousness. Without the initial investment from mom and dad, i could still be owing a financial institution monthly installments and intersts to pay, mom and dad did not ask me for any interests, did not even urge me to pay anything.
In his last days, dad did not even raise this to me even though he must have been utterly disappointed with me. Why does he have to be so good to me? why can't he protect himself from monsters like me?
recovery
recovery is painfully slow, today is 14 June, exactly 1 month from the faithful day my dad passed away and it felt like a millenium. So much has happened, so little has healed.
I can hardly get excited or happy about anything, only singing or reciting the heart sutra to dad can comfort my guilt stricken heart. My only console would be if dad has went to a much much more better place. He is a strong man, taken on so much suffering, both physical and psychological so so many years, he is a survivor, braving the cold hostile world that I created for him. My inaction shocks me.
I saw on the nat geo channel about this japanese fighter pilot in the 2nd world war, who was shot in one mission having a bullet through his skull and gotten his left side of the body paralysed. while he was drifting in and out of conciousness still flying his zero, an image of his mother appeared and guided him on a 5 hours flight back to the base. he eventually recovered fully and vowed never to kill another life, not even a mosquito. He became a practicing buddhist for the rest of his life.
I am full of admiration for the gentleman, this is another example of a brave man, facing his mistakes, repent and making amendments and sticking with it. I'm not sure if i would have the same courage as him but i would try, dad has done so much for me, i cannot bear to imagine his disappointment if i let him down again.
I can hardly get excited or happy about anything, only singing or reciting the heart sutra to dad can comfort my guilt stricken heart. My only console would be if dad has went to a much much more better place. He is a strong man, taken on so much suffering, both physical and psychological so so many years, he is a survivor, braving the cold hostile world that I created for him. My inaction shocks me.
I saw on the nat geo channel about this japanese fighter pilot in the 2nd world war, who was shot in one mission having a bullet through his skull and gotten his left side of the body paralysed. while he was drifting in and out of conciousness still flying his zero, an image of his mother appeared and guided him on a 5 hours flight back to the base. he eventually recovered fully and vowed never to kill another life, not even a mosquito. He became a practicing buddhist for the rest of his life.
I am full of admiration for the gentleman, this is another example of a brave man, facing his mistakes, repent and making amendments and sticking with it. I'm not sure if i would have the same courage as him but i would try, dad has done so much for me, i cannot bear to imagine his disappointment if i let him down again.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
losing
i saw a programme on dicovery about the secrets of the US secret services, an agent said, if you were aways successful in the past but missed just that one time, you fail. that was what happened to me, we were successful in all the previous episodes of dad's illness to send him to the hospital on time, but being complacent, i failed the final time that that resulted in his death. never take things lightly, even if they look innocent.
life is about tip-toeing not to make such grave mistakes.
life is about tip-toeing not to make such grave mistakes.
From Admiralty to Admiralty
The MRT station nearest to my home is admiralty, the nearest MTR station in the hotel i stay (Island Shangri-la) is also called admiralty. i touched down in hong kong today at 1203pm. weather here is gloomy, same as my mood as i am still struggling to get over my dad's passing.
I went to the temple street today to do some shopping, everywhere i turn, i see things that i would buy for dad if he was still alive. I recalled thinking about going to the temple street prior to the actual trip and thought about what i could buy for mom, yao, doven, wife, sis and dad absentmindedly before realising that dad is no longer with us.
when i saw imitation watches, i recalled that my mom told me that dad has commented in the past that he would one day want to buy an imitation rolex watch as he never got the chance to wear one, an imitation would do, its so painful to think that he never had a chance to fulfil his dream.
i saw polo T in the past whenever i want to buy polo Ts for him i make sure they have pockets as that is how he liked them. I only bought a YSL imitation in 2006 for him and i can tell that he likes that shirt as he wears it only on special occassions, subsequently i have only bought a few more polo T for him.
and the itch scratcher, i bought a metal one for him when i went to taiwan last year, which he readily lost a few days later, i saw some in temple street, how i wish he is still around i can buy more for him.
these are the only few things i know he likes, i have so little understanding of him, i haven't stayed with him for more then 24 hours at any one time since i moved out in 2003, he must have been so lonely. we never had a close relationship, the closest we got was in my pre-u days where we would play battle city together some times, and even that we rarely talked.
i can't bear to enjoy myself anywhere whenever i thought of his sufferings, it never occurred to me that he needs happiness,support and understanding as well and care and concern. I wanted to give him more but i don't know why whenever i see him i cannot bring myself to do that, what is wrong with me?
I went to the temple street today to do some shopping, everywhere i turn, i see things that i would buy for dad if he was still alive. I recalled thinking about going to the temple street prior to the actual trip and thought about what i could buy for mom, yao, doven, wife, sis and dad absentmindedly before realising that dad is no longer with us.
when i saw imitation watches, i recalled that my mom told me that dad has commented in the past that he would one day want to buy an imitation rolex watch as he never got the chance to wear one, an imitation would do, its so painful to think that he never had a chance to fulfil his dream.
i saw polo T in the past whenever i want to buy polo Ts for him i make sure they have pockets as that is how he liked them. I only bought a YSL imitation in 2006 for him and i can tell that he likes that shirt as he wears it only on special occassions, subsequently i have only bought a few more polo T for him.
and the itch scratcher, i bought a metal one for him when i went to taiwan last year, which he readily lost a few days later, i saw some in temple street, how i wish he is still around i can buy more for him.
these are the only few things i know he likes, i have so little understanding of him, i haven't stayed with him for more then 24 hours at any one time since i moved out in 2003, he must have been so lonely. we never had a close relationship, the closest we got was in my pre-u days where we would play battle city together some times, and even that we rarely talked.
i can't bear to enjoy myself anywhere whenever i thought of his sufferings, it never occurred to me that he needs happiness,support and understanding as well and care and concern. I wanted to give him more but i don't know why whenever i see him i cannot bring myself to do that, what is wrong with me?
Saturday, June 12, 2010
慈悲，受尽无求与三毒
昨天第一次到观音禅林参加晚课，地方不大，可是却干净庄严，供奉的是阿弥陀佛，观世音与大势至菩萨。开始是咏颂金刚经，之后静坐，师父才开释。师父说业障随心生，我知道这个道理，可是要实践就困难，套一句老掉牙的话，我得化悲愧为力量。
有一点师父说的让我有顿悟的感觉，他说：
慈悲心做善事，是能让人开启智慧之举动。
从前当我听到这句话时，根本就不以为然，总以为做善事不外乎捐点钱，帮帮老婆婆过马路，没什么智慧可增长。最近为了回向父亲，朋友每每有事要开导，我就尝试用慈悲心去帮助，因为慈悲是我所欠缺的，需要修。
什么是慈悲，我发现，原来慈悲很简单，就是，受，尽，无求而已。什么是受，尽，无求呢？
受，就是感同身受，就是以他人的苦恼，成为我的苦恼，他人的快乐，成为我的快乐，他人的解脱，成为我的解脱。我有位好朋友这点做的非常彻底，虽然他脾气大，可是却是真诚的。
尽，就是尽自己的能力，智慧，lobang (福建话叫”空头“，就是门路的意思）去帮助人
无求，就是无所求，朋友接受意见与否都不执著，不求回报，只为他好
这三点又可以集中为一点，就是真。真心真意的真。
师父又接着讲贪，嗔，痴，三毒，我也颇有受用：
贪者，令吾得意之语
嗔者，令吾不悦之语
痴者，即执我心也
执我，就是以自己的私念去看待事情
无贪念，就能令人不为奉承虚假的话所打动，迷失本性。也能尽力的帮人
无嗔念，就能虚心反省，增长智慧，受人所受之苦，痛。
无痴念，就能抛开执著，自私的心态，无求于种种，以无求心帮人，就真的能把执我心灭掉。
诸位看！这不又回到慈悲了吗？佛有八万四千个法门，他就是一直用不同的方式重复的教导我们同样的道理！
回向极乐国民及先父徐玉和居士
有一点师父说的让我有顿悟的感觉，他说：
慈悲心做善事，是能让人开启智慧之举动。
从前当我听到这句话时，根本就不以为然，总以为做善事不外乎捐点钱，帮帮老婆婆过马路，没什么智慧可增长。最近为了回向父亲，朋友每每有事要开导，我就尝试用慈悲心去帮助，因为慈悲是我所欠缺的，需要修。
什么是慈悲，我发现，原来慈悲很简单，就是，受，尽，无求而已。什么是受，尽，无求呢？
受，就是感同身受，就是以他人的苦恼，成为我的苦恼，他人的快乐，成为我的快乐，他人的解脱，成为我的解脱。我有位好朋友这点做的非常彻底，虽然他脾气大，可是却是真诚的。
尽，就是尽自己的能力，智慧，lobang (福建话叫”空头“，就是门路的意思）去帮助人
无求，就是无所求，朋友接受意见与否都不执著，不求回报，只为他好
这三点又可以集中为一点，就是真。真心真意的真。
师父又接着讲贪，嗔，痴，三毒，我也颇有受用：
贪者，令吾得意之语
嗔者，令吾不悦之语
痴者，即执我心也
执我，就是以自己的私念去看待事情
无贪念，就能令人不为奉承虚假的话所打动，迷失本性。也能尽力的帮人
无嗔念，就能虚心反省，增长智慧，受人所受之苦，痛。
无痴念，就能抛开执著，自私的心态，无求于种种，以无求心帮人，就真的能把执我心灭掉。
诸位看！这不又回到慈悲了吗？佛有八万四千个法门，他就是一直用不同的方式重复的教导我们同样的道理！
回向极乐国民及先父徐玉和居士
Friday, June 11, 2010
Why? Why?
Why did i move dad out to his house to stay alone? i thought that is the best solution for everyone, more then once i said he brought the worst out of all of us, how can i say that, its the worst in me that caused his demise, i got it all wrong,
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
dad's phone
I really miss dad's phone calls. Many times he would be calling me to ask for me to transfer money into his account, he would always say its not a hurry, and there are so many times that i forgot and he has to call me back to ask and i found him such a niusance.
there are other times as well where i would be too busy with meetings etc and when he call me i will hang him up, the same way i did to everyone. I also miss the ring tone at his end when i call him, it would be a singtel commercial song, when i call my house agent it is the same tone and it only reminds me of him.
now, how i wish i can be on the phone with him for hours and hours, if only he is still around i would want to call him in the morning, afternoon and evening and before i sleep. his sufferings i can never understand, his disappointment i can't bear to imagine . Baba, where are you?
there are other times as well where i would be too busy with meetings etc and when he call me i will hang him up, the same way i did to everyone. I also miss the ring tone at his end when i call him, it would be a singtel commercial song, when i call my house agent it is the same tone and it only reminds me of him.
now, how i wish i can be on the phone with him for hours and hours, if only he is still around i would want to call him in the morning, afternoon and evening and before i sleep. his sufferings i can never understand, his disappointment i can't bear to imagine . Baba, where are you?
Everyday,I wake up in the morning with the wishful thinking that my father is still alive..still staying with me...
Everyday,whenever I'm alone I will start thinking about the way I treated him when he is still alive..I did not show him enough care nor concern when he was staying with me,I'm always thinking that he'll take my care and concern for granted. But I have have never thought that actually he just don't know how to express his feelings.
Now I don't even have the chance to say I'm sorry. I didn't even get to say goodbye...the last time I spoke to him was 3rd May a week before he pass away. He called me asking for his passport,I even told him that I will go home and check then I'll call him back. And I didn't even bother to call him back..why have I became so inhumane??? Come to think back,my father actually wanted me to show concern but I just can't be bother.
My heart is aching..the pain is unbearable..I will never forgive myself for what I had did. I will not accept that it's my father's karma to die this way. It's just excuse to make me feel better,I'm guilty of the wrongdoings to my father.
Everyday,whenever I'm alone I will start thinking about the way I treated him when he is still alive..I did not show him enough care nor concern when he was staying with me,I'm always thinking that he'll take my care and concern for granted. But I have have never thought that actually he just don't know how to express his feelings.
Now I don't even have the chance to say I'm sorry. I didn't even get to say goodbye...the last time I spoke to him was 3rd May a week before he pass away. He called me asking for his passport,I even told him that I will go home and check then I'll call him back. And I didn't even bother to call him back..why have I became so inhumane??? Come to think back,my father actually wanted me to show concern but I just can't be bother.
My heart is aching..the pain is unbearable..I will never forgive myself for what I had did. I will not accept that it's my father's karma to die this way. It's just excuse to make me feel better,I'm guilty of the wrongdoings to my father.
Dream of dad 3
I had a dream of dad again yesterday night. the setting is at our potong pasir 3 room flat. Dad has came back to life, but he went out, I blamed my mom for letting him go out alone, since 2003 he has been living alone, how many times have I accompanied him to any where?
Dream of Dad 2
a couple of days back, I had a dream of dad again. In the dream my whole family were at the Bright hill Temple where my dad's ashes are located. We were about to get into the car when my sis noticed that there were a lot of packed food (probably food we can't finish) on my back left seat and she complaint about it and wanted to throw the food away. My dad came along and said not to waste the food, he can bring them back for later consumption, for some reason, i walked over and cried and ask him not to be hard on himself, and begged him to come stay with me. I woke up with tears on my face - how i wish the dream is real!
摩诃般若波罗蜜多心经 - 回向给极乐国民徐玉和
观自在菩萨，行深般若波罗蜜多时照见五蕴皆空，度一切苦厄。
舍利子：色不异空，空不异色。色既是空，空既是色。受，想，行，识，亦复如是，舍利子：是诸法空相，不生，不灭，不垢，不净，不增，不减，是故空中无色，无受，想，行，识，无眼，耳，鼻，舌，身，意，无色，声，香，味，触，法。
无眼界，乃至无意识界，无无明亦无无明尽，乃至无老死，亦无老死尽。
无苦，集，灭，道， 无智亦无得，以无所得故。菩提萨埵，依般若波罗蜜多故，心无挂碍，无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远离颠倒梦想，究竟涅磐。
三世诸佛依般若波罗蜜多故，得阿耨多罗三藐三菩提，故知般若波罗蜜多是大神咒，是大明咒，是无上咒，是无等等咒能除一切苦真实不虚，故说般若波罗蜜多咒既说咒曰：羯谛！羯谛！波罗羯谛！波罗僧羯谛！羯谛菩提萨婆诃！
sanskrit: gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
english: gone! Gone! gone beyond! gone altogether beyond! oh what an awakening! all hail!
chinese: 去！去！去到生死的彼岸！与众生一起去到生死的彼岸！愿迅速同证正觉，获得大成就！
舍利子：色不异空，空不异色。色既是空，空既是色。受，想，行，识，亦复如是，舍利子：是诸法空相，不生，不灭，不垢，不净，不增，不减，是故空中无色，无受，想，行，识，无眼，耳，鼻，舌，身，意，无色，声，香，味，触，法。
无眼界，乃至无意识界，无无明亦无无明尽，乃至无老死，亦无老死尽。
无苦，集，灭，道， 无智亦无得，以无所得故。菩提萨埵，依般若波罗蜜多故，心无挂碍，无挂碍故，无有恐怖，远离颠倒梦想，究竟涅磐。
三世诸佛依般若波罗蜜多故，得阿耨多罗三藐三菩提，故知般若波罗蜜多是大神咒，是大明咒，是无上咒，是无等等咒能除一切苦真实不虚，故说般若波罗蜜多咒既说咒曰：羯谛！羯谛！波罗羯谛！波罗僧羯谛！羯谛菩提萨婆诃！
sanskrit: gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
english: gone! Gone! gone beyond! gone altogether beyond! oh what an awakening! all hail!
chinese: 去！去！去到生死的彼岸！与众生一起去到生死的彼岸！愿迅速同证正觉，获得大成就！
Monday, June 7, 2010
Buddhist Rites for deliverence (超度）
On Sunday, my sis and I went to Defu Lane 2 to attend a buddhist deliverence rite. I wrote down my dad's name for the ritual. The ritual starts at 7:30pm and lasted for 3 hours. I am thankful that i came to the rite as through the chanting of so many different kinds of sutras and dharani . It it through this that i realised that the heart sutra is used in rituals to chant for ancesters - and I had been chanting or singing the heart sutra to dad daily because this is the only sutra that i know so far, i will be reciting this daily once my ancestral tablet is back in my home.
This must be more then a coincidence, this is Avalokitesvara's sutra of which i am very fond of as it explains the essence of prajna (般若) and emptiness (空）。
We also met up with an old friend of my dad, uncle yang, who was the one who organised this rite. sometime last year he has called me to speak up for my dad on the situation that he is in, the poor state of health and negligence and absence of love from his family. I actually had the atrocity to become defensive and started talking back to him for my sis and myself, giving excuses and lame defences.
We apologised to uncle Yang for he has already warned us about dad's poor and sorry state. He is not the only one who warned us, the doctor warned us, our uncle warned us but we turned a deaf ear, we are simply too 'busy' to want to do more for dad. We were busy going about our own life, trying not to let dad's condition affect us.
How many sleepless nights did dad have, he has requested for help on several different things but we just treated them lightly, things could range from helping him to manage his medicines to finding his handphone, to buying his handphone top up card, things reached an irreversible plunge when i left him in his flat (and it is not even his flat yet, i rented the place) to die alone, still happily going about my ignorant, blissful life. How cruel can one get? how coward can one get? I cannot imagine a crime worst then this, i should be charged for manslaughter, should i go surrender myself at the police station?
I am those well to do sons that you see in those cliche chinese TV soap operas who let their parent live a life of pauper, bearly having enough to feed themselves, and fending for themselves. These people do exist in real life, I am the most typical example. i disgust myself.
I justified my cruelty by thinking that under this condition dad should not run around and make his condition worst (he is out there because of the lack of love, lack of concern from his dearest family!!) - i would rather he ran around that day so that even if he collapsed on the street, at least passerbys can send him to the hospital.
I justified my cruelty by thinking that his half blind eye and ears are a result of ill controlled diet, and medicine discipline, 'his fault' i would think - but there is no home cook food for him to go back to, how can i expect him to eat healthy?
I justify my cruelty by thinking that he has came to this penniless state because he did not know how to save, 'why does he want to buy a new car if he cannot afford?' , 'his own misdoing, i have already gave enough money to my parents and that is it' i would say to myself, not remembering that he has paid for my studies, while he had not provided me with a lot of luxuries, he has never abandon me or my family.
i justify my refusal for him to stay at my place by thinking 'he brough this upon himself through his unhygenic behaviours' but forgetting that I was once during my baby time probably even more disgusting in my motion passing habits. He has accepted and allowed my wife and me to move into his house, giving up the masterbed room to us happily, hoping that we be happy at the same time.
there are so many horrible things that i did and thought that i believe the IDA would probably ban this blog in singapore if i have them listed as they are unheard of.
I told my friend that the pain might go as time heals but the scar is going to be there forever.
This must be more then a coincidence, this is Avalokitesvara's sutra of which i am very fond of as it explains the essence of prajna (般若) and emptiness (空）。
We also met up with an old friend of my dad, uncle yang, who was the one who organised this rite. sometime last year he has called me to speak up for my dad on the situation that he is in, the poor state of health and negligence and absence of love from his family. I actually had the atrocity to become defensive and started talking back to him for my sis and myself, giving excuses and lame defences.
We apologised to uncle Yang for he has already warned us about dad's poor and sorry state. He is not the only one who warned us, the doctor warned us, our uncle warned us but we turned a deaf ear, we are simply too 'busy' to want to do more for dad. We were busy going about our own life, trying not to let dad's condition affect us.
How many sleepless nights did dad have, he has requested for help on several different things but we just treated them lightly, things could range from helping him to manage his medicines to finding his handphone, to buying his handphone top up card, things reached an irreversible plunge when i left him in his flat (and it is not even his flat yet, i rented the place) to die alone, still happily going about my ignorant, blissful life. How cruel can one get? how coward can one get? I cannot imagine a crime worst then this, i should be charged for manslaughter, should i go surrender myself at the police station?
I am those well to do sons that you see in those cliche chinese TV soap operas who let their parent live a life of pauper, bearly having enough to feed themselves, and fending for themselves. These people do exist in real life, I am the most typical example. i disgust myself.
I justified my cruelty by thinking that under this condition dad should not run around and make his condition worst (he is out there because of the lack of love, lack of concern from his dearest family!!) - i would rather he ran around that day so that even if he collapsed on the street, at least passerbys can send him to the hospital.
I justified my cruelty by thinking that his half blind eye and ears are a result of ill controlled diet, and medicine discipline, 'his fault' i would think - but there is no home cook food for him to go back to, how can i expect him to eat healthy?
I justify my cruelty by thinking that he has came to this penniless state because he did not know how to save, 'why does he want to buy a new car if he cannot afford?' , 'his own misdoing, i have already gave enough money to my parents and that is it' i would say to myself, not remembering that he has paid for my studies, while he had not provided me with a lot of luxuries, he has never abandon me or my family.
i justify my refusal for him to stay at my place by thinking 'he brough this upon himself through his unhygenic behaviours' but forgetting that I was once during my baby time probably even more disgusting in my motion passing habits. He has accepted and allowed my wife and me to move into his house, giving up the masterbed room to us happily, hoping that we be happy at the same time.
there are so many horrible things that i did and thought that i believe the IDA would probably ban this blog in singapore if i have them listed as they are unheard of.
I told my friend that the pain might go as time heals but the scar is going to be there forever.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
大慈大悲观世音菩萨
My sis told me that her leader told her that whatever happened to my dad is due to his past karma. It makes perfect sense, why else would all of us had treated him so badly even when he is already so sick? We must have such a great hatred planted that it have to go this way.
However I suddenly realised that that is probably not the truth. I suddenly have this great awakening that dad is the avatar of the Avalokitesvara (观世音菩萨）。through his suffering and death, he has awakened the buddha in all of us, because of him we have relooked at how we treated our love ones, it has rekindled my love for buddhism and i started getting myself involved and for the first time i have the courage to want to take the 3 refuges (Buddha, Dharma, Sangha) while in the past i had been very cautious as I know i might not be able to observe the buddhist way and in the end land myself in misery.
Bear in mind that Avalokitesvara changes himself into various forms and avatars in his compassion and vow to save all sentient beings - this is a perfect situtation for him to teach us a lesson about compassion. I have let him down so many times, and again and again he has been patient to give me a chance over and over again, never abandoning me. While i know that some of my bad habits would take time to change, I want to take the plunge. Through these few days where i got into contact with the various sutras, it has brought me immerse happiness amidst all these sorrow. I am happy to know that my heart has a safe, tranquil resting place, in buddhism, my first task would be to focus on compassion.
As i have failed to keep my promise so many times in the past, i would not be rash to do anything drastic, i would be observing myself through this period and to finally have myself commited.
However I suddenly realised that that is probably not the truth. I suddenly have this great awakening that dad is the avatar of the Avalokitesvara (观世音菩萨）。through his suffering and death, he has awakened the buddha in all of us, because of him we have relooked at how we treated our love ones, it has rekindled my love for buddhism and i started getting myself involved and for the first time i have the courage to want to take the 3 refuges (Buddha, Dharma, Sangha) while in the past i had been very cautious as I know i might not be able to observe the buddhist way and in the end land myself in misery.
Bear in mind that Avalokitesvara changes himself into various forms and avatars in his compassion and vow to save all sentient beings - this is a perfect situtation for him to teach us a lesson about compassion. I have let him down so many times, and again and again he has been patient to give me a chance over and over again, never abandoning me. While i know that some of my bad habits would take time to change, I want to take the plunge. Through these few days where i got into contact with the various sutras, it has brought me immerse happiness amidst all these sorrow. I am happy to know that my heart has a safe, tranquil resting place, in buddhism, my first task would be to focus on compassion.
As i have failed to keep my promise so many times in the past, i would not be rash to do anything drastic, i would be observing myself through this period and to finally have myself commited.
Focus, Focus
Sorrow, lots of sorrow. I need to get out of this vicious cycle.
Swamp myself with work
Swamp myself with getting the ancestral alter done
Swamp myself with learning about buddhism
Swamp myself with caring for my kids
Swamp myself with loving my wife
Swamp myself with caring for my mom
I'm now in the realm of hell, i need to pacify my thoughts, pacify my thoughts...
Swamp myself with work
Swamp myself with getting the ancestral alter done
Swamp myself with learning about buddhism
Swamp myself with caring for my kids
Swamp myself with loving my wife
Swamp myself with caring for my mom
I'm now in the realm of hell, i need to pacify my thoughts, pacify my thoughts...
弟弟来！弟弟来!
According to my mom, these were the words my dad said on the last day of his life while he was lying on the floor resting. Those might be the moments where his heart is already starting to fail and we did not realised that sleepiness and lethargy are symptoms of the hypertensive heart failure - which develops over a long period.
Its so painful to recall the kindness he has showered upon my son and daughter and yet I treated him so inhumanely. whenever i think of these words, my tears will roll, even though I'm in office now.
Dad called my mom on the saturday before he left :"这里很多东西买，好像牛车水，你们来买吧" , my mom told him that she is on the way to work, he said: "哦，好那你去做工吧！"
I had the intention to bring him to the polyclinic in the morning but i didn't because i went out with my friends when they gave me a call.
I had the intention to bring him for dinner but i didn't because my wife wanted to go somewhere else and i did not want to spoil the family day.
I cannot face myself in the mirror whenever i thought about all these things that i did not do for him, that i took his feelings for granted, that i ignored his feelings, people who see him tell us that he always have such a sad look on his face, why did we fail to see THAT!!!!
As a son i have abandon him, nowadays when i think back on all the past times when I enjoyed company with my family, feeling blessed to have a great family, he has always been outside of the picture!!
When i went on block leave and stayed at home, it never crossed my mind to meet him, to call him!! There was only once during my block leave that i called him and fetched him from his dialysis centre and that is also because i am going to my friend's place.
There are so many weekends i planned to join him for lunch or dinner and i did not!! I procrastinated and thought that 'i will do it next week, i will do it next week!'
I thought the pain would slowly go away with time but it DIDNT!!! The pain is still as EXCRUCIATING as the time my dad passed away. WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Its so painful to recall the kindness he has showered upon my son and daughter and yet I treated him so inhumanely. whenever i think of these words, my tears will roll, even though I'm in office now.
Dad called my mom on the saturday before he left :"这里很多东西买，好像牛车水，你们来买吧" , my mom told him that she is on the way to work, he said: "哦，好那你去做工吧！"
I had the intention to bring him to the polyclinic in the morning but i didn't because i went out with my friends when they gave me a call.
I had the intention to bring him for dinner but i didn't because my wife wanted to go somewhere else and i did not want to spoil the family day.
I cannot face myself in the mirror whenever i thought about all these things that i did not do for him, that i took his feelings for granted, that i ignored his feelings, people who see him tell us that he always have such a sad look on his face, why did we fail to see THAT!!!!
As a son i have abandon him, nowadays when i think back on all the past times when I enjoyed company with my family, feeling blessed to have a great family, he has always been outside of the picture!!
When i went on block leave and stayed at home, it never crossed my mind to meet him, to call him!! There was only once during my block leave that i called him and fetched him from his dialysis centre and that is also because i am going to my friend's place.
There are so many weekends i planned to join him for lunch or dinner and i did not!! I procrastinated and thought that 'i will do it next week, i will do it next week!'
I thought the pain would slowly go away with time but it DIDNT!!! The pain is still as EXCRUCIATING as the time my dad passed away. WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Friday, June 4, 2010
爷爷！爷爷！
These were the words of my 15 months old son Doven, on the 5th day of my dad's passing. I was very suprised, he called this name and pointed at my dad's photo on the night of the 5th day, and ever since he would look and touch at my dad's photo whenever he mutter these words.
It is really painful to know that dad had missed this by only 5 days. Doven don't even know how to say mom and dad. Even my daughter whenever she sees my dad when he is alive would tell my mom in protest if my mom did not ask her: 奶奶，你没有叫我叫爷爷。。。
I hope the only console is that his grandchildren are more filial then me, day in day out, for some reason there is a hallowness in my, i can't seem to feel any happiness, i have a good job, loving wife, sensible children, stable lifestyle, but recalling how dad has sufferred in his last days, I cannot help but feel empty. I never expected that his passing would have such a huge impact, I never knew how much deep in my heart I have loved him. I can tell that my sis love him more, looking at the things she has done for him and me? I have gave him nothing but caused his death.
It is really painful to know that dad had missed this by only 5 days. Doven don't even know how to say mom and dad. Even my daughter whenever she sees my dad when he is alive would tell my mom in protest if my mom did not ask her: 奶奶，你没有叫我叫爷爷。。。
I hope the only console is that his grandchildren are more filial then me, day in day out, for some reason there is a hallowness in my, i can't seem to feel any happiness, i have a good job, loving wife, sensible children, stable lifestyle, but recalling how dad has sufferred in his last days, I cannot help but feel empty. I never expected that his passing would have such a huge impact, I never knew how much deep in my heart I have loved him. I can tell that my sis love him more, looking at the things she has done for him and me? I have gave him nothing but caused his death.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
3rd Seven day
I observed a vegetarian diet on thursday, my personal vow to dad for every 7 days till 49 days. During the ritual, I read through the entire diamond sutra about 100 pages long, following the Sangha's chant, not daring to miss anything. I hope my concentration and sincerity can help dad in any way.
I am thankful that dad and mom send me to a chinese centric primary school Pei chun primary. Unfortunately i did not learn enough about filial piety but that is another story to tell.
With my strong chinese background I was able to recite and make sense of many parts - although not all- of the sutra. the ceremony took 38 mins - which also includes the heart sutra. Beside my dad's altar was another family, it appears that the entire family and relatives are here, on the contrary I am the only one around, my sis has to work, my mom has to take care of my kids and we are a small family thus I am the only one who can come. My boss is a kind man and when i told him i need to do this he was very supportive and gave me time off, blessings be upon him.
I donated around 100 sutra recital machines(SRM) on behalf of dad, using his money to the Amitabha society and the kind gentleman from the amitabha society specially had the goods delivered to the buddhist lodge on the same day for distribution. the 'machines' are MP3 player sized players and they have an internal memory which uses MP3 format for the recitals. He told me that I should recite the following when i am there:
以此捐赠之各式念佛机之功德，回向极乐国民徐玉和，莲品上增
I took one of the SRM for my mom, the staff asked if i want to take another one with different sutra, i thought that it would be good to leave to be distributed to others for their good karma.
I passed the SRM to my mom and showed her how to use it, i will try to get the books on the sutra so she can read and listen at the same time, most importantly is for her to understand the sutras as it has been said:
念经不如识经，识经不如行经
before i sleep, I recited quietly the heart sutra to dad, again hopefully to do him good.
I am thankful that dad and mom send me to a chinese centric primary school Pei chun primary. Unfortunately i did not learn enough about filial piety but that is another story to tell.
With my strong chinese background I was able to recite and make sense of many parts - although not all- of the sutra. the ceremony took 38 mins - which also includes the heart sutra. Beside my dad's altar was another family, it appears that the entire family and relatives are here, on the contrary I am the only one around, my sis has to work, my mom has to take care of my kids and we are a small family thus I am the only one who can come. My boss is a kind man and when i told him i need to do this he was very supportive and gave me time off, blessings be upon him.
I donated around 100 sutra recital machines(SRM) on behalf of dad, using his money to the Amitabha society and the kind gentleman from the amitabha society specially had the goods delivered to the buddhist lodge on the same day for distribution. the 'machines' are MP3 player sized players and they have an internal memory which uses MP3 format for the recitals. He told me that I should recite the following when i am there:
以此捐赠之各式念佛机之功德，回向极乐国民徐玉和，莲品上增
I took one of the SRM for my mom, the staff asked if i want to take another one with different sutra, i thought that it would be good to leave to be distributed to others for their good karma.
I passed the SRM to my mom and showed her how to use it, i will try to get the books on the sutra so she can read and listen at the same time, most importantly is for her to understand the sutras as it has been said:
念经不如识经，识经不如行经
before i sleep, I recited quietly the heart sutra to dad, again hopefully to do him good.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Child in all of us
I brought the entire family to causeway point on sunday. while looking at my son Doven eating ice cream, it suddenly reminds me of dad. Like anyone else, dad used to be a toddler like Doven, so much innocence, so much curiosity, so much playfulness. Even though dad grew up during the japanese occupation of 1942-1945, I can imagine that my grandparents must have showered him with so much love, being the first boy of the family, they must have had so much hope for his future. Will he become a lawyer? doctor? or a successful businessman perhaps?
They must have fed him with the best food in the family - where food is extremely hard to come by during the occupation. They would probably rather starve themselves then to see their baby suffer, just like my feelings for my children.
They must have bought or made him toys, rejoice at the first words my dad muster. What were the first words my dad said? could it be 'baba' or 'mama' or like my son, 'jiejie' and 'yeh yeh'?
My dad must have been a cute baby, a baby who attracts lots of attentions from neighbours, relatives, like any other babies. there must have been lots of laughters, happiness in the family.
And how did he grew up? through his childhood, adolescence, lots of fun, curiosity, ambitions, laughters, games?
And when he cycled alone all the way from Sagil - the town he grew up in - to Singapore to look for a better future, what was his thoughts? he must have told himself 'I'm going to make it big here in this remote island, i'm going to earn enough, marry, have children of my own and retire happily'
When both myself and my sis were born, he must have had so many plans like his parents had when they have him. He must have felt so much love for me and sis, marvel at how we grew, how we first called him 'baba'. I must have greeted him with a bright smile as a baby when he returned from a day of hardwork trying to provide for his family and he must have thought to himself 'its all worth it, its all worth it' when i hugged him and looked at him with childish admiration.
When i got my degree, he must have been so proud of me, and i was happy that i made him proud. when i got married he went around proudly announced to the world that his son is getting married, and when his grand daughter was born he must have been so happy that finally he is a grandfather and what more could he have asked for?
What has happened ? why did it all went downhill for him from that point on? and why did i became such a disappointment to him, left him in the lurch, not feeling a bit of shame or remorse for what i did?
I remembered feeling so much remorse in the past when i wrecked his car in an accident, and i took full responsibility for what i did, went around to find him a replacement vehicle.
I remembered wishing that if I am rich, I would buy him a brand new car as he has never bought a new car in his life before. Where did that 'me' went towards the end of his life？how have i changed so much without even realizing it myself? was i blinded by greed, laziness, selfishness, bad influence?
They must have fed him with the best food in the family - where food is extremely hard to come by during the occupation. They would probably rather starve themselves then to see their baby suffer, just like my feelings for my children.
They must have bought or made him toys, rejoice at the first words my dad muster. What were the first words my dad said? could it be 'baba' or 'mama' or like my son, 'jiejie' and 'yeh yeh'?
My dad must have been a cute baby, a baby who attracts lots of attentions from neighbours, relatives, like any other babies. there must have been lots of laughters, happiness in the family.
And how did he grew up? through his childhood, adolescence, lots of fun, curiosity, ambitions, laughters, games?
And when he cycled alone all the way from Sagil - the town he grew up in - to Singapore to look for a better future, what was his thoughts? he must have told himself 'I'm going to make it big here in this remote island, i'm going to earn enough, marry, have children of my own and retire happily'
When both myself and my sis were born, he must have had so many plans like his parents had when they have him. He must have felt so much love for me and sis, marvel at how we grew, how we first called him 'baba'. I must have greeted him with a bright smile as a baby when he returned from a day of hardwork trying to provide for his family and he must have thought to himself 'its all worth it, its all worth it' when i hugged him and looked at him with childish admiration.
When i got my degree, he must have been so proud of me, and i was happy that i made him proud. when i got married he went around proudly announced to the world that his son is getting married, and when his grand daughter was born he must have been so happy that finally he is a grandfather and what more could he have asked for?
What has happened ? why did it all went downhill for him from that point on? and why did i became such a disappointment to him, left him in the lurch, not feeling a bit of shame or remorse for what i did?
I remembered feeling so much remorse in the past when i wrecked his car in an accident, and i took full responsibility for what i did, went around to find him a replacement vehicle.
I remembered wishing that if I am rich, I would buy him a brand new car as he has never bought a new car in his life before. Where did that 'me' went towards the end of his life？how have i changed so much without even realizing it myself? was i blinded by greed, laziness, selfishness, bad influence?
Chimps treatment of their dying
I read on the Epoch Times that latest research shows how chimpanzees care for their elderly and dying members. In the research it was observed that the entire chimp community got quiet during the remaining few days of the elderly female chimp's passing. They try their best to care for and tend to the dying female right up to the time of death. when the chimp died and was removed the next day, everyone in the community left the place where the chimp has died undisturbed, even though it has used to be a favourite spot for the chimps in the past.
When i read the new, it struck me how animals can have such compassion and when i reflect it on myself, I found that my behaviours were sub-human towards my dad, I have no excuse, lots of regrets and state of daze even after so many days.
Tomorrow is my dad's 3rd seven day, I will be going to the buddhist lodge again at 11am in the morning for his chanting session. My mom will be taking over me for the next 2 weeks when i go on business trip to hong kong.
Today I called NKF to inform the financial officer of my dad's case about my intention to donate on behalf of dad, and i will be going down to the NKF headquarters tomorrow or friday lunch. She told me that dad has been a person who loves freedom and likes to be on the move and do not like to stay home, she believe that he lived his life to the fullest unlike many of her patients. I am very thankful for her kind words and am shameful to know that I probably do not know my dad as well as even her.
When i read the new, it struck me how animals can have such compassion and when i reflect it on myself, I found that my behaviours were sub-human towards my dad, I have no excuse, lots of regrets and state of daze even after so many days.
Tomorrow is my dad's 3rd seven day, I will be going to the buddhist lodge again at 11am in the morning for his chanting session. My mom will be taking over me for the next 2 weeks when i go on business trip to hong kong.
Today I called NKF to inform the financial officer of my dad's case about my intention to donate on behalf of dad, and i will be going down to the NKF headquarters tomorrow or friday lunch. She told me that dad has been a person who loves freedom and likes to be on the move and do not like to stay home, she believe that he lived his life to the fullest unlike many of her patients. I am very thankful for her kind words and am shameful to know that I probably do not know my dad as well as even her.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Scenes of the night my father passed away keeps on lingering in my head, whenever I’m alone or not doing anything it will surface in my head.. Whenever I start thinking about it the feeling of emptiness will take over me completely. It feels like I’ve been rob of something, I feel my heart aching. I can’t help but hate myself, for not doing enough for him. Why can’t I feel this way when he’s alive? Why am I so selfish? There is totally nothing I can do to make it up to him anymore.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
六波罗蜜
人有时候觉得应该是很正确的事，做完之后，心里又怀疑自己是不是做错了？应该怎么办？
迷惑的世人往往不能做出正确的判断。唯有佛才能做出正确无误的判断，而佛在哪里呢？他就在你心里！但是他被我们原始的动物本能和私欲所遮盖了，所以平时察觉不到。就像镜子被灰尘掩盖它的明亮一般，只有去除自我执着而通达空的真理，明亮的佛心才会显现出来。
那么怎么才能使得自己的佛心显现呢？
未成佛的人，是迷惑无明的，所做所为都是为了自己的私欲，并总是自以为是。铭心自问，所做的决定是不是参杂了私心？只要心中还有一丝这种的想法，所做的判断就不会是正确的。不为自己而为他人谋利，这就是慈悲心。正确的思想，判断，正是从慈悲心产生的。心理上和他人有着一体的深切感受，这就是大乘菩萨自利利他的伟大精神。
菩萨的武器正是六波罗蜜，他便是我们安身立命的所在。
六波罗蜜：
布施波罗蜜：
包括财施，法施，无畏施。
施舍财物给需要的人，财施也。
为他人讲解佛法，法施也。
安慰，鼓励他人，使不恐怖，害怕，无畏施也。
持戒波罗蜜：
遵守五戒，即不杀生，不偷盗，不邪淫，不妄语，不饮酒，使身心清净。不仅行为，语言不犯戒，连犯戒之心也要防范。
忍辱波罗蜜：
不论毁谤赞美，都不为所动，忍他人所不能忍。
精进波罗蜜：
一心努力向道，不贪求安逸，无所求而行。
禅定波罗蜜：
清净身心，安定身心，身心凝定不动，不执着于一切。
智慧波罗蜜：
以般若智慧观照洞见宇宙人生真相，通达空的真理。
（摘取自图说般若心经入门）
迷惑的世人往往不能做出正确的判断。唯有佛才能做出正确无误的判断，而佛在哪里呢？他就在你心里！但是他被我们原始的动物本能和私欲所遮盖了，所以平时察觉不到。就像镜子被灰尘掩盖它的明亮一般，只有去除自我执着而通达空的真理，明亮的佛心才会显现出来。
那么怎么才能使得自己的佛心显现呢？
未成佛的人，是迷惑无明的，所做所为都是为了自己的私欲，并总是自以为是。铭心自问，所做的决定是不是参杂了私心？只要心中还有一丝这种的想法，所做的判断就不会是正确的。不为自己而为他人谋利，这就是慈悲心。正确的思想，判断，正是从慈悲心产生的。心理上和他人有着一体的深切感受，这就是大乘菩萨自利利他的伟大精神。
菩萨的武器正是六波罗蜜，他便是我们安身立命的所在。
六波罗蜜：
布施波罗蜜：
包括财施，法施，无畏施。
施舍财物给需要的人，财施也。
为他人讲解佛法，法施也。
安慰，鼓励他人，使不恐怖，害怕，无畏施也。
持戒波罗蜜：
遵守五戒，即不杀生，不偷盗，不邪淫，不妄语，不饮酒，使身心清净。不仅行为，语言不犯戒，连犯戒之心也要防范。
忍辱波罗蜜：
不论毁谤赞美，都不为所动，忍他人所不能忍。
精进波罗蜜：
一心努力向道，不贪求安逸，无所求而行。
禅定波罗蜜：
清净身心，安定身心，身心凝定不动，不执着于一切。
智慧波罗蜜：
以般若智慧观照洞见宇宙人生真相，通达空的真理。
（摘取自图说般若心经入门）
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)